It Begins At home- Take 2

Earlier today I put up a post that I intended to be about training our children at home, but I was not careful in my approach to this matter, and I used a comparison that made me look like I had it all together. I apologize for this post and the manner in which it was written. I in no way intended to represent myself as having "arrived" in my parenting. I needed to take heed of my earlier post on TONE, and make sure that HOW I said it was weighed as heavily as WHAT I was trying to say.

So let me try again to say what I was really trying to get across.  I would like to introduce a topic that may be new in essence to many of you, it was certainly nothing I have ever heard of when I was growing up, but I came across it in my earlier years of parenting and it has made a HUGE difference for our family.  How many of us have gotten up on stage to perform a piano concerto without practicing at home for hours?  Or, how many of us would like to meet the opposing team on Friday night without having gone to any of the practices during the week?  NOT ME!!!!  But why then do I ask my children to behave like star performers out in public when I do not give them the chance to practice first at home?

You see Ryan and I decided that it was important to us to have our whole family in church together.  So early on we had to figure out HOW to train a young child to stay quiet during church time. I won't get into all the details because I don't want the principles of the training to be lost in it all. We came across some child training material that discussed practicing at home the behaviors, or manners, you want your child to show in public.  So, we set up church at home.  We sat on the couch, broke out the hymnals and listened to a sermon.  We went over what was expected, and we worked on what to do and what not to do.  ie. Younger children are allowed to color quietly, but not to talk out loud, or get out of their chair.  After a few weeks of practicing they were really getting the hang of it (remember I didn't always have 5 children...so it was easier to train the younger ones as they also had their older siblings as examples) and I was actually getting to listen to the sermons again...well at least most of them.

So we applied this training to another area that was of EXTREME importance to me...the GROCERY STORE.  I  cannot shop if I am battling little people pulling things off shelves, or constantly begging  me to buy them something.  That MAY be tolerable to some with one child (I personally can't handle all the distraction when I am trying to stretch that dollar as far as it will go), but it is INSANE with 5.  So we began training for the grocery store at home.  We would practice getting in and out of the car, and practice walking with Mama through the aisles  (that we made up at home).  When we felt they were ready to venture out to the store with their new expectations, Ryan went with me to help be an extra pair of eyes...We went to Walmart later at night so there would be fewer people to witness our crazy family.  But it worked!  I have not had a temper tantrum in the store since our training. They do not beg me to buy things. They can tell me once if they would like to get something, but if I tell them "no" then they cannot ask again.  If they try to, they know we won't be getting that item for some time.  As a side note, we have not done this training again since our 5th has arrived, and I was shocked to hear her (3yro) beg me for something the other day in the store. The other 4 children looked at her with a bit of surprise as well.  I sometimes forget what the youngest hasn't learned, since in my mind I "covered that" earlier.  I guess I have some "training" to do in my near future. :)

I know this method will seem "over the top" to some of you, or just down-right bizarre.  But it works, and it gives our children the confidence to know what's expected of them.  They are more at ease because they know their boundaries.  (I remember feeling as a child that I was only told when I did something WRONG, and it was frustrating when I didn't know what I was expected to do.)  Our children aren't always perfect, but they are easily pulled in line, because they have practiced the correct behavior over and over.  Practice makes perfect, so they say.  I don't know about perfect, but it sure makes "peaceful".  And peaceful for Mama, means happy for everyone.

What things would you like your children to practice?