It's not difficult for a parent to recognize areas of weakness in her child's character. That's one of the aspects of our job, to help our children mature and grow, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, etc. The responsibility of this can be overwhelming at times, and personally it drives me to cry out to God for guidance and wisdom.
This past week I had a moment with one of my girls to discuss a weakness that I had consistently noticed, and that had been particularly troublesome that morning. She had been using her exceptional mind to help others see what she thought they needed to do. Her manner was less than loving, so her intentions, however pure in her mind, were lost on her sisters. It was time for a Mama talk. I pulled her to one side and discussed the events of that morning.
We discussed that each of us have weaknesses in our character that are exasperated by selfishness and sin. I told her that her heart was like a garden, and that sin was like a weed growing there. Left untended, she would repeat the same selfish behaviors until they became habit, and then the weed would grow larger and stronger until it resembled a mighty oak rather than a weed. We talked about the comparative difficulty in pulling a weed or an oak tree. Much better to start changing selfish behaviors while young, before they become strong habits.
But there is more to our weaknesses than we often notice. Many weaknesses, when turned over to Jesus in repentance and honest seeking of the scriptures can be turned into great strengths. For instance, the bossy child, when submitted to Christ, becomes the wise soul who speaks the truth in love. Or, the stubborn child who resists correction and rules, when submitted to Christ becomes the determined optimist, ready to take on the next challenge, unswerving in the Truth.
I desired for my daughter to leave our little chat with an awareness of her present behavior, but with the hope that God could change it to use for His glory. So we talked about weaknesses and strengths, and how they resembled the coin with two flip sides. We discussed how every weakness when submitted to Christ can become a strength in character. And then I asked her if she desired me to make her aware of when she was repeating the behavior she had shown that morning. She told me that she wanted my help, so we came up with a code word that I could say to make her aware without embarrassing her in front of her sisters. Not only did that help her to know she wouldn't be humiliated each time I brought it up, but it tied another heart string between us, as we shared that little secret word.
As we train up our children in the way they should go, let us remember to speak the truth to them in love. To let our admonishes, when possible, be laced with hope. And let us continually ask the Lord who is strong in our weaknesses to give us wisdom to guide those He has entrusted to us.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sign Language and Babies
I am so thankful for my dear friend who had a baby girl when our firstborn came along. I was able to watch my friend do something with her baby that I would never have believed if I hadn't witnessed it first-hand. Whenever her daughter wanted something she would use sign language to say "please", and upon receiving the item, she would sign "thank-you". When she was hungry, she would sign "eat", and when she was thirsty, you guessed it, she would sign "water" or "cup" or even "milk". I was amazed, and completely sold on the idea of teaching our child to sign.
So we worked hard to learn and sign just the few basics that I had seen my friend teach her daughter. There wasn't much to see for a few months, except a couple of crazy, sleep-deprived parents waving their hands at their 8 month old. But, somewhere around 10-11 months, our baby started communicating to us with signs. No, they didn't look exactly like the "real" signs, but you could tell that she was adapting them to her dexterity level. We were so proud of our little girl, and I admit that we did enjoy showing-off her dazzling intellect to all who were willing to see her in action.
We quickly saw that learning to sign was much more than just a great parlor trick. Our little one-year-old was able to tell us what she wanted, without crying and getting frustrated. She was peaceful for the majority of the time, because she wasn't limited by her body's development in being able to speak. Babies learn and understand language far quicker than they are able to physically speak the language. (I equate it to having one year of high school Spanish and then being dropped off in the middle of Central America without an interpreter. You might be able to get the gist of what people around your are saying or asking of you, but to actually generate intelligible sentences is a much greater effort, if possible at all.) I believe that a good amount of frustration and temper tantrums in the toddler years are related to not having the tools to communicate what they need, want, or feel.
Then our first-born really surprised us when she started making up signs of her own, beyond the ones that we had taught her. They weren't American Sign Language, they were "Emma" language. Many games of charades were played in order to discover the meaning of some new sign, and she would belly giggle when we finally got it right. Her language development was exploding exponentially, and so was her comprehension, as many do during this stage, but the sign language was a tool that sped this process along.
So naturally, we taught the next two babies to sign as well. And things went just as smoothly. But, when the fourth baby was born, sign language with babies had become a new trend, and I found an exciting new resource at the library. We discovered Signing Time and immediately we lined up the grand parents to get us all the volumes (12) available at that time. What a wonderful investment! Talk about effortless sign language learning for everyone in the family. I learned many new useful signs. Signs like, "quiet", "sit", "pay attention", and other lovely things to command your child to do in a public place without yelling at them, or embarrassing them in front of others. (They are PERFECT signs for church services!) :)
But this time around, the signs did more than just help us with the latest baby to come along, it also helped us with our 3rd child who was delayed a bit in learning to speak, and tended to use her hands like they were in mittens instead of freely moving her fingers. She was 2 at the time, and I was beginning to get a bit concerned. After a few weeks of playing the Signing Time videos, she was signing like crazy, and using her fingers to spell every word she saw. Her language development exploded, and so did her other fine motors skills. For the next year or maybe two, this child would sign while she was speaking audibly. Perhaps she is a "hands-on" learner, and this was just the tool she needed. We may never know, but we are grateful that the Lord sent it our way at such an important time in her life.
So for all you readers with babies, I just wanted to share our experience with you and to point you toward this great resource for helping you and your baby. It truly helps with the temper tantrums, while helping to accelerate their language development.
So we worked hard to learn and sign just the few basics that I had seen my friend teach her daughter. There wasn't much to see for a few months, except a couple of crazy, sleep-deprived parents waving their hands at their 8 month old. But, somewhere around 10-11 months, our baby started communicating to us with signs. No, they didn't look exactly like the "real" signs, but you could tell that she was adapting them to her dexterity level. We were so proud of our little girl, and I admit that we did enjoy showing-off her dazzling intellect to all who were willing to see her in action.
We quickly saw that learning to sign was much more than just a great parlor trick. Our little one-year-old was able to tell us what she wanted, without crying and getting frustrated. She was peaceful for the majority of the time, because she wasn't limited by her body's development in being able to speak. Babies learn and understand language far quicker than they are able to physically speak the language. (I equate it to having one year of high school Spanish and then being dropped off in the middle of Central America without an interpreter. You might be able to get the gist of what people around your are saying or asking of you, but to actually generate intelligible sentences is a much greater effort, if possible at all.) I believe that a good amount of frustration and temper tantrums in the toddler years are related to not having the tools to communicate what they need, want, or feel.
Then our first-born really surprised us when she started making up signs of her own, beyond the ones that we had taught her. They weren't American Sign Language, they were "Emma" language. Many games of charades were played in order to discover the meaning of some new sign, and she would belly giggle when we finally got it right. Her language development was exploding exponentially, and so was her comprehension, as many do during this stage, but the sign language was a tool that sped this process along.
So naturally, we taught the next two babies to sign as well. And things went just as smoothly. But, when the fourth baby was born, sign language with babies had become a new trend, and I found an exciting new resource at the library. We discovered Signing Time and immediately we lined up the grand parents to get us all the volumes (12) available at that time. What a wonderful investment! Talk about effortless sign language learning for everyone in the family. I learned many new useful signs. Signs like, "quiet", "sit", "pay attention", and other lovely things to command your child to do in a public place without yelling at them, or embarrassing them in front of others. (They are PERFECT signs for church services!) :)
But this time around, the signs did more than just help us with the latest baby to come along, it also helped us with our 3rd child who was delayed a bit in learning to speak, and tended to use her hands like they were in mittens instead of freely moving her fingers. She was 2 at the time, and I was beginning to get a bit concerned. After a few weeks of playing the Signing Time videos, she was signing like crazy, and using her fingers to spell every word she saw. Her language development exploded, and so did her other fine motors skills. For the next year or maybe two, this child would sign while she was speaking audibly. Perhaps she is a "hands-on" learner, and this was just the tool she needed. We may never know, but we are grateful that the Lord sent it our way at such an important time in her life.
So for all you readers with babies, I just wanted to share our experience with you and to point you toward this great resource for helping you and your baby. It truly helps with the temper tantrums, while helping to accelerate their language development.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Re-Training...It gets Worse Before It Gets Better
Let me take you on a trip down memory lane, my memory lane to be exact. I was a senior in college, preparing for my student teaching at the local high school. I had a fabulous professor in charge of my teaching experience, and he gave me some pretty standard advice, that seemed a little harsh at the time. He told me to start off like "Attila the Hun", and not to let the students see me smile until after Christmas. Of course, he didn't truly mean to be so harsh as to never smile in front of the students, but he was trying to tell me to establish authority early. It is much easier to maintain authority than it is to establish it.
So I walked into a classroom filled with African American students, some just a few years younger than I, and some showing me pictures of their second children. Needless to say, I was a fish out of water, and I felt it keenly. I wanted to help these students, who happened to be struggling in math, but I secretly wanted them to think I was cool ...I wanted to impress them. Well, impressing took place, but it was mainly them making an impression on me. I came in a little too chummy, and not quite strict enough, although as a student teacher you already start with a knock against you. The students KNOW you aren't a REAL teacher, and therefore have little to back up your authority. Add to that the roll of red tape a public school teacher has to go through to get some real leverage to her discipline, and you have a situation ripe for behavior problems, and that's just what I got. Think of your favorite, inner-city teacher movie. Now think of the beginning, when the teacher realizes the ship is sinking and something must be done to keep afloat, and there you have my entire experience student teaching. I wish I had the chance to make it to the end of the movie when all the students finally realize their full potential, but alas it was not for me that year.
Because I failed to establish solid authority in the beginning, I spent the rest of my 6 weeks trying to earn it from the students. Had I come in with full force from the start, it would have cost me less energy to maintain it for those 6 weeks. After having several "pow-wows" with my professor, he gave me some very precious advice that has carried over into my parenting as well. He told me, that when you re-establish authority, that the trouble-students' behavior would get much worse before it would improve.
Anyone else out there as confused as I was when I first heard that? "The trouble behavior will get worse before it gets better"? Really? I mulled it over and it began to settle with me and the experience I had training horses (of course). When training a horse that is testing you, especially if he has managed to throw you to the ground, you can expect the horse to try the same behavior a few more times with an increased effort to throw you again. Why? He is trying to see if you really are going to enforce the new boundaries you are setting. Same thing with a trouble student. She will try even harder to see if you will stand firm, or cave. Once she is convinced of your resolve to stand firm (although you may be crumbling with fatigue inside) she will begin to step into line and calm down.
So it was with my student teaching experience, although too short to get completely past the trouble, I did see it begin to subside, and I was exhausted with the effort to re-establish that which I should have taken from the start.
What's so great about parenting is that you already have the authority given to you by God. In addition, you typically have children whose hearts desire to please you. We all desire to please our parents even now, whether we have poor relationships with them or not. But, there are times when you have a troubled area with a child that needs re-training. I do not feel comfortable discussing specifics in dealing with certain issues over a blog, but I would be happy to talk with folks one on one. I believe that children are individuals and therefore require a more tailored approach in applying these parenting principles. I would hate to make great sweeping advices to cover every child and a myriad of problems. Perhaps in future posts I can share more of what Ryan and I have found successful with our children.
This time, I want to encourage those of you encountering great difficulty with your child in one area or another. Remember to pray for guidance, seek to know your child's currency and deal in it as both a motivator and discipline tool, and then stand firm in your commands (don't give commands that you might not be able to follow through on completely). Do not give way to pleas and manipulations to make you move from your command. And then expect that it be obeyed immediately and cheerfully. Remember, it may get worse before it gets better, so don't lose hope when your first efforts are met with resistance.
So I walked into a classroom filled with African American students, some just a few years younger than I, and some showing me pictures of their second children. Needless to say, I was a fish out of water, and I felt it keenly. I wanted to help these students, who happened to be struggling in math, but I secretly wanted them to think I was cool ...I wanted to impress them. Well, impressing took place, but it was mainly them making an impression on me. I came in a little too chummy, and not quite strict enough, although as a student teacher you already start with a knock against you. The students KNOW you aren't a REAL teacher, and therefore have little to back up your authority. Add to that the roll of red tape a public school teacher has to go through to get some real leverage to her discipline, and you have a situation ripe for behavior problems, and that's just what I got. Think of your favorite, inner-city teacher movie. Now think of the beginning, when the teacher realizes the ship is sinking and something must be done to keep afloat, and there you have my entire experience student teaching. I wish I had the chance to make it to the end of the movie when all the students finally realize their full potential, but alas it was not for me that year.
Because I failed to establish solid authority in the beginning, I spent the rest of my 6 weeks trying to earn it from the students. Had I come in with full force from the start, it would have cost me less energy to maintain it for those 6 weeks. After having several "pow-wows" with my professor, he gave me some very precious advice that has carried over into my parenting as well. He told me, that when you re-establish authority, that the trouble-students' behavior would get much worse before it would improve.
Anyone else out there as confused as I was when I first heard that? "The trouble behavior will get worse before it gets better"? Really? I mulled it over and it began to settle with me and the experience I had training horses (of course). When training a horse that is testing you, especially if he has managed to throw you to the ground, you can expect the horse to try the same behavior a few more times with an increased effort to throw you again. Why? He is trying to see if you really are going to enforce the new boundaries you are setting. Same thing with a trouble student. She will try even harder to see if you will stand firm, or cave. Once she is convinced of your resolve to stand firm (although you may be crumbling with fatigue inside) she will begin to step into line and calm down.
So it was with my student teaching experience, although too short to get completely past the trouble, I did see it begin to subside, and I was exhausted with the effort to re-establish that which I should have taken from the start.
What's so great about parenting is that you already have the authority given to you by God. In addition, you typically have children whose hearts desire to please you. We all desire to please our parents even now, whether we have poor relationships with them or not. But, there are times when you have a troubled area with a child that needs re-training. I do not feel comfortable discussing specifics in dealing with certain issues over a blog, but I would be happy to talk with folks one on one. I believe that children are individuals and therefore require a more tailored approach in applying these parenting principles. I would hate to make great sweeping advices to cover every child and a myriad of problems. Perhaps in future posts I can share more of what Ryan and I have found successful with our children.
This time, I want to encourage those of you encountering great difficulty with your child in one area or another. Remember to pray for guidance, seek to know your child's currency and deal in it as both a motivator and discipline tool, and then stand firm in your commands (don't give commands that you might not be able to follow through on completely). Do not give way to pleas and manipulations to make you move from your command. And then expect that it be obeyed immediately and cheerfully. Remember, it may get worse before it gets better, so don't lose hope when your first efforts are met with resistance.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"Understood Betsy"
We have talked before about the benefits and joys of reading aloud books together as a family. Some of the books we read are part of the curriculum path that we are following, and some are those we stumble across at the library. From time to time I would like to share the real gems that we have found. We read this book in the second grade year for our girls, but it is written on a higher reading level, hence why it is a read-aloud book choice.
"Understood Betsy" by Dorothy Canfield Fisher is one of our all-time favorites. This is the story of a young orphan taken in by her over-protective Aunts. Sweet, young, frail Betsy lives up to every expectation her aunts have for her. She is overly excitable, timid, and physically weak. You might be too, if your guardians thought they were being loving by shielding you from any possible danger. But things take a dramatic turn for Betsy when, through a strange turn of events, she is sent to live with the dreaded country cousins up North.
In a very "Country Mouse and Town Mouse" fashion, Betsy is thrown into a world where she is asked to take on the challenge of independence. She finds it strange that people would look to her to contribute anything to the work of the farm, or school. Frail Betsy is taught to test her boundaries and face danger with courage, all the while being supported by a loving, if not overly-demonstrative set of care-givers. And not so surprisingly, Betsy learns to live up to new expectations, and even to exceed them.
Although this book will have a greater appeal to girls than boys, it is full of one-room school house adventures, and exciting emergencies to help the boys along. For the parents, it is loaded with meaningful commentary of philosophies on parenting. Dorothy Fischer not only challenges methods of child-rearing, but she is witty and entrancing in her story-telling abilities as well. I am thrilled that I get to read this book again with two more of my girls, and when they have read it, I have a feeling I will be taking it off the shelf from time to time to re-live the charm and challenge written there.
Here is one of my favorite passages from the book:
"Elizabeth Ann was alone with her much-feared Great-uncle Henry. He nodded to her and drew out from the bottom of the wagon a warm, large cape, which he slipped over her shoulders. "The women folks were afraid you'd git cold drivin'," he explained. He then lifted her high to the seat, tossed her satchel into the wagon, climbed up himself, and clucked to his horses.
Elizabeth Ann had always thought an essential part of railway journeys was to be kissed at the end and asked a great many times how you had "stood the trip." She sat still on the high lumber seat, feeling neglected. Her feet dangled high above the floor of the wagon. She felt herself to be in the most dangerous place she had ever dreamed of in her worst dreams. Oh, why wasn't Aunt Frances there to take care of her? It was just like one of her bad dreams. It was horrible! She would fall; she would roll under the wheels and be crushed to- She looked up at Uncle Henry with the wild eyes of nervous terror which always brought Aunt Frances to her in a rush to hear all about it, to sympathize, to reassure.
Uncle Henry looked down at her soberly, his hard weather-beaten old face quite unmoved. "Here, you drive, will you, for a piece?" he said. He put the reins into her hands, hooked his spectacles over his ears, an drew out a stubby pencil and a bit of paper. "I've got some figgering to do. You pull on the left-hand rein to make them go to the left and the t'other way for the right, though it ain't likely we'll meet any teams."
Elizabeth Ann had been so near one of her wild screams of terror that now, in spite of her instant absorbed interest in the reins, she gave a muffled yelp. She was all ready with the explanation. She would tell Uncle Henry about how scared she had been and how she had just been about to scream and couldn't keep back that one little yelp. But Uncle Henry seemed not to have heard her little howl, or if he had, didn't think it worth conversation, for he- Oh, the horses were certainly going to one side! She decided which was her right hand (she had never been forced to know it so quickly before) and pulled furiously on that rein. The horses turned their hanging heads, and, miraculously, there they were in the middle of the road again.
Elizabeth Ann drew a long breath of relief and pride and looked at Uncle Henry for praise. But he was busily writing down figures as though he were getting his arithmetic lesson for the next day and had not noticed. Oh, there they were going to the left again! This time, in her flurry, she made a mistake about which hand was which and pulled wildly on the left line. The docile horses walked off the road into a shallow ditch. The wagon tilted. HELP! Why didn't Uncle Henry help? Uncle Henry continued intently figuring on the back of his envelope.
Elizabeth Ann, the perspiration starting out on her forehead, pulled on the other line. The horses turned back up the slope. The wheel grated sickeningly against the wagon box. She was sure they would tip over! But there- somehow there they were in the road, safe and sound, with Uncle Henry adding up a column of figures. If he only knew, thought Elizabeth Ann, if he only knew the danger he had been in, and how he had been saved. But she must think of some way to avoid that terrible mistake again.
Suddenly something inside Elizabeth Ann's head stirred and moved. It came to her, like a clap, that she need not know which was right or left at all. If she just pulled the way she wanted to go, the horses would never know whether it was the right or the left rein.
She felt as if at that moment her brain was waking up. She was nine years old, and she was in the third grade at school, but that was the first time she had ever had a whole thought of her own. At home Aunt Frances had always know exactly what she was doing, and had helped her over the hard places before she even knew they were there. At school her teachers had been carefully trained to think faster than the scholars. Somebody had always explained things to Elizabeth Ann so industriously that she never found out a single thing for herself before. This was a small discovery, but an original one. Elizabeth Ann was excited about it as a mother bird over the first egg that hatches.
She forgot she was afraid of Uncle Henry and poured out to him her discovery. "It's not right or left that matters, " she ended with triumph, "it's which way you want to go!"
Uncle Henry looked at her attentively, eyeing her sideways over the top of one spectacle glass. "Well, now, that's so, " he admitted, and returned to his arithmetic.
It was a short remark, shorter than any Elizabeth Ann had ever heard before. Aunt Frances and her teachers always explained matters at length. But it had a weighty, satisfying ring to it. She felt the importance of having her statement recognized. She turned back to her driving."
"Understood Betsy" by Dorothy Canfield Fisher is one of our all-time favorites. This is the story of a young orphan taken in by her over-protective Aunts. Sweet, young, frail Betsy lives up to every expectation her aunts have for her. She is overly excitable, timid, and physically weak. You might be too, if your guardians thought they were being loving by shielding you from any possible danger. But things take a dramatic turn for Betsy when, through a strange turn of events, she is sent to live with the dreaded country cousins up North.
In a very "Country Mouse and Town Mouse" fashion, Betsy is thrown into a world where she is asked to take on the challenge of independence. She finds it strange that people would look to her to contribute anything to the work of the farm, or school. Frail Betsy is taught to test her boundaries and face danger with courage, all the while being supported by a loving, if not overly-demonstrative set of care-givers. And not so surprisingly, Betsy learns to live up to new expectations, and even to exceed them.
Although this book will have a greater appeal to girls than boys, it is full of one-room school house adventures, and exciting emergencies to help the boys along. For the parents, it is loaded with meaningful commentary of philosophies on parenting. Dorothy Fischer not only challenges methods of child-rearing, but she is witty and entrancing in her story-telling abilities as well. I am thrilled that I get to read this book again with two more of my girls, and when they have read it, I have a feeling I will be taking it off the shelf from time to time to re-live the charm and challenge written there.
Here is one of my favorite passages from the book:
"Elizabeth Ann was alone with her much-feared Great-uncle Henry. He nodded to her and drew out from the bottom of the wagon a warm, large cape, which he slipped over her shoulders. "The women folks were afraid you'd git cold drivin'," he explained. He then lifted her high to the seat, tossed her satchel into the wagon, climbed up himself, and clucked to his horses.
Elizabeth Ann had always thought an essential part of railway journeys was to be kissed at the end and asked a great many times how you had "stood the trip." She sat still on the high lumber seat, feeling neglected. Her feet dangled high above the floor of the wagon. She felt herself to be in the most dangerous place she had ever dreamed of in her worst dreams. Oh, why wasn't Aunt Frances there to take care of her? It was just like one of her bad dreams. It was horrible! She would fall; she would roll under the wheels and be crushed to- She looked up at Uncle Henry with the wild eyes of nervous terror which always brought Aunt Frances to her in a rush to hear all about it, to sympathize, to reassure.
Uncle Henry looked down at her soberly, his hard weather-beaten old face quite unmoved. "Here, you drive, will you, for a piece?" he said. He put the reins into her hands, hooked his spectacles over his ears, an drew out a stubby pencil and a bit of paper. "I've got some figgering to do. You pull on the left-hand rein to make them go to the left and the t'other way for the right, though it ain't likely we'll meet any teams."
Elizabeth Ann had been so near one of her wild screams of terror that now, in spite of her instant absorbed interest in the reins, she gave a muffled yelp. She was all ready with the explanation. She would tell Uncle Henry about how scared she had been and how she had just been about to scream and couldn't keep back that one little yelp. But Uncle Henry seemed not to have heard her little howl, or if he had, didn't think it worth conversation, for he- Oh, the horses were certainly going to one side! She decided which was her right hand (she had never been forced to know it so quickly before) and pulled furiously on that rein. The horses turned their hanging heads, and, miraculously, there they were in the middle of the road again.
Elizabeth Ann drew a long breath of relief and pride and looked at Uncle Henry for praise. But he was busily writing down figures as though he were getting his arithmetic lesson for the next day and had not noticed. Oh, there they were going to the left again! This time, in her flurry, she made a mistake about which hand was which and pulled wildly on the left line. The docile horses walked off the road into a shallow ditch. The wagon tilted. HELP! Why didn't Uncle Henry help? Uncle Henry continued intently figuring on the back of his envelope.
Elizabeth Ann, the perspiration starting out on her forehead, pulled on the other line. The horses turned back up the slope. The wheel grated sickeningly against the wagon box. She was sure they would tip over! But there- somehow there they were in the road, safe and sound, with Uncle Henry adding up a column of figures. If he only knew, thought Elizabeth Ann, if he only knew the danger he had been in, and how he had been saved. But she must think of some way to avoid that terrible mistake again.
Suddenly something inside Elizabeth Ann's head stirred and moved. It came to her, like a clap, that she need not know which was right or left at all. If she just pulled the way she wanted to go, the horses would never know whether it was the right or the left rein.
She felt as if at that moment her brain was waking up. She was nine years old, and she was in the third grade at school, but that was the first time she had ever had a whole thought of her own. At home Aunt Frances had always know exactly what she was doing, and had helped her over the hard places before she even knew they were there. At school her teachers had been carefully trained to think faster than the scholars. Somebody had always explained things to Elizabeth Ann so industriously that she never found out a single thing for herself before. This was a small discovery, but an original one. Elizabeth Ann was excited about it as a mother bird over the first egg that hatches.
She forgot she was afraid of Uncle Henry and poured out to him her discovery. "It's not right or left that matters, " she ended with triumph, "it's which way you want to go!"
Uncle Henry looked at her attentively, eyeing her sideways over the top of one spectacle glass. "Well, now, that's so, " he admitted, and returned to his arithmetic.
It was a short remark, shorter than any Elizabeth Ann had ever heard before. Aunt Frances and her teachers always explained matters at length. But it had a weighty, satisfying ring to it. She felt the importance of having her statement recognized. She turned back to her driving."
Monday, February 14, 2011
Half-Effort is More Exhausting Than Whole-Effort.
We experienced some difficulty with our oldest child when she was advancing up the ranks of math. She is in 6th grade now, and has been sailing through pre-algebra, so our trouble really wasn't ability related. In fact, it was rooted more in a character issue than in an intellectual one.
Let me paint the picture for you, as I 'm sure none of you have ever seen such a scene as this. We would start the math lesson, with full attention and readiness of mind. Five to fifteen minutes later, lesson easily learned, I would get up to help another child with her math. Thirty to sixty minutes later, my oldest would still be sitting in front of her open math book, nowhere close to finishing. She might have been working on a problem, or finishing up her latest doodle on the page, or staring off in to space day-dreaming. She would get behind in her other subjects because she would waste time during math. This became such a consistent occurrence that she would begin to dread the whole event.
The math teacher in me became concerned to see my daughter so distraught over doing the math problems. Please keep in mind that she was not struggling with the concepts, although she was getting a fair amount of problems wrong. How could those two facts co-exist? I'll tell you. The reason she was getting so many problems wrong was because she was only giving math a half-effort. Ninety-five percent of the problems she missed were because she wrote the problem down incorrectly, or got distracted in the middle of working one (talking to a sister, or listening to someone else's school time readings) and she would forget where she was in her arithmetic, and make a careless mistake. Everyone is entitled to make a few careless mistakes, but that pattern of half-effort, if left unchecked would spill over into other areas of her life. So we sat down to have a little "Mama Talk".
Knowing her response, I asked her if she found math exhausting. She assured me that she enjoyed learning about it, but that there were too many problems. I listened, and I heard her, but I knew that she could easily whip out those problems in 30 minutes, and that she needed to do all the problems to lay a solid foundation for the math years ahead of her. I knew it was time she heard the truth. So I said, "The reason the math is so exhausting for you does not lie in the number of problems, but in the degree of your effort. Presently you are giving a half-effort to your math, and allowing your brain to switch to something else with the slightest invitation. It is so exhausting to give a half-effort on any project at hand. It takes longer, and you make more mistakes, therefore creating more work for yourself to correct later. But, if you determine in your mind to put forth a full-effort toward the task at hand, you will accomplish it in less time, and with fewer errors. Therefore causing you in the end to have expended less energy, and releasing yourself fully to play when you are finished."
This helped her to see the real issue, and I am happy to say, with a bit a training, she was able to kick the half-effort habit with math, and in other areas we are seeing improvement as well.
I share all this, because I think it relates to parenting as well as algebra. How many times do we let a child give a half-obedience because we are too tired to make the effort to train consistently? How often we let children obey on the 3rd or 4th time a command is given instead on the 1st. Ever noticed how exhausting that can be? Half-effort at anything, and especially child-training, is deceiving. We think that consistency is too exhausting to make as a goal in our training, but I assure you it is more exhausting in the long run to be inconsistent with your children. ( I know how hard that can be to uphold, but it pays off ten-fold for those willing to take the challenge.)
Children will wait until you mean business. So, if you mean business the first time you give a command and teach them to trust your consistency, you will find that you will not have to repeat yourself. (Believe me when I say that I know the ends to both scenarios!) I find it fatiguing to say commands over and over, and when I catch myself doing so, I know it is because I have been letting consistency slip. I apologize to the girls and commence consistency as soon as possible, and without fail I find that my once deaf children, have the ability to hear my voice again.
Another benefit to whole-effort training, or consistent training, is that you don't allow yourself to build up a well of resentment to your childrens' lack of obedience. Because you deal with everything as quickly and cheerfully as possible, you don't have to wait until you are annoyed enough with a behavior to discipline. When we reach the frustration point, we tend to react and lose our cool, which isn't helpful to either party.
None of us are consistent 100% of the time, but when the frustration builds inside of us, and we notice our childrens' obedience is slacking, it is time to roll up the sleeves and give it our full attention. In the long run, we will enjoy their company more, and that makes for a stronger relationship all around.
Let me paint the picture for you, as I 'm sure none of you have ever seen such a scene as this. We would start the math lesson, with full attention and readiness of mind. Five to fifteen minutes later, lesson easily learned, I would get up to help another child with her math. Thirty to sixty minutes later, my oldest would still be sitting in front of her open math book, nowhere close to finishing. She might have been working on a problem, or finishing up her latest doodle on the page, or staring off in to space day-dreaming. She would get behind in her other subjects because she would waste time during math. This became such a consistent occurrence that she would begin to dread the whole event.
The math teacher in me became concerned to see my daughter so distraught over doing the math problems. Please keep in mind that she was not struggling with the concepts, although she was getting a fair amount of problems wrong. How could those two facts co-exist? I'll tell you. The reason she was getting so many problems wrong was because she was only giving math a half-effort. Ninety-five percent of the problems she missed were because she wrote the problem down incorrectly, or got distracted in the middle of working one (talking to a sister, or listening to someone else's school time readings) and she would forget where she was in her arithmetic, and make a careless mistake. Everyone is entitled to make a few careless mistakes, but that pattern of half-effort, if left unchecked would spill over into other areas of her life. So we sat down to have a little "Mama Talk".
Knowing her response, I asked her if she found math exhausting. She assured me that she enjoyed learning about it, but that there were too many problems. I listened, and I heard her, but I knew that she could easily whip out those problems in 30 minutes, and that she needed to do all the problems to lay a solid foundation for the math years ahead of her. I knew it was time she heard the truth. So I said, "The reason the math is so exhausting for you does not lie in the number of problems, but in the degree of your effort. Presently you are giving a half-effort to your math, and allowing your brain to switch to something else with the slightest invitation. It is so exhausting to give a half-effort on any project at hand. It takes longer, and you make more mistakes, therefore creating more work for yourself to correct later. But, if you determine in your mind to put forth a full-effort toward the task at hand, you will accomplish it in less time, and with fewer errors. Therefore causing you in the end to have expended less energy, and releasing yourself fully to play when you are finished."
This helped her to see the real issue, and I am happy to say, with a bit a training, she was able to kick the half-effort habit with math, and in other areas we are seeing improvement as well.
I share all this, because I think it relates to parenting as well as algebra. How many times do we let a child give a half-obedience because we are too tired to make the effort to train consistently? How often we let children obey on the 3rd or 4th time a command is given instead on the 1st. Ever noticed how exhausting that can be? Half-effort at anything, and especially child-training, is deceiving. We think that consistency is too exhausting to make as a goal in our training, but I assure you it is more exhausting in the long run to be inconsistent with your children. ( I know how hard that can be to uphold, but it pays off ten-fold for those willing to take the challenge.)
Children will wait until you mean business. So, if you mean business the first time you give a command and teach them to trust your consistency, you will find that you will not have to repeat yourself. (Believe me when I say that I know the ends to both scenarios!) I find it fatiguing to say commands over and over, and when I catch myself doing so, I know it is because I have been letting consistency slip. I apologize to the girls and commence consistency as soon as possible, and without fail I find that my once deaf children, have the ability to hear my voice again.
Another benefit to whole-effort training, or consistent training, is that you don't allow yourself to build up a well of resentment to your childrens' lack of obedience. Because you deal with everything as quickly and cheerfully as possible, you don't have to wait until you are annoyed enough with a behavior to discipline. When we reach the frustration point, we tend to react and lose our cool, which isn't helpful to either party.
None of us are consistent 100% of the time, but when the frustration builds inside of us, and we notice our childrens' obedience is slacking, it is time to roll up the sleeves and give it our full attention. In the long run, we will enjoy their company more, and that makes for a stronger relationship all around.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Dealing In Your Child's Currency
The only time in my life that I was in favor of the idea of allowance without work was when I was on the receiving end of that deal. I understand that some parents give their child a weekly allowance (without having them earn it) to teach their children how to manage their money. My problem with this approach is that it in no way prepares them for the value of money, in that they do not equate money with work. There is an excellent passage in Laura Ingalls Wilder's book "Farmer Boy" where Almanzo's father explains that money represents hours of hard work.
"Father looked at him a long time. Then he took out his wallet and opened it, and slowly he took out a round, big silver half-dollar. He asked:
"Almanzo, do you know what this is?"
"Half a dollar," Almanzo answered.
"Yes. But do you know what half a dollar is?"
Almanzo didn't know it was anything but half a dollar.
"It's work, son," Father said. "That's what money is; it's hard work."...
... "You know how to raise potatoes, Almanzo?"
"Yes," Almanzo said.
"Say you have a seed potato in the spring, what do you with it?"
"You cut it up," Almanzo said.
"Go on, son."
"Then you harrow- first you manure the field, and plow it. Then you harrow, and mark the ground. And plant the potatoes, and plow them, and hoe them. You plow and hoe twice."
"That's right, son. And then?"
"Then you dig them and put them down the cellar."
"Yes. Then you pick them over all winter; you throw out all the little ones and the rotten ones. Come spring, you load them up and haul them here to Malone, and you sell them. And if you get a good price, son, how much do you get to show for all that work? How much do you get for half a bushel of potatoes?"
"Half a dollar," Almanzo said
"Yes," said Father. "That's what's in this half-dollar, Almanzo. The work that raised half a bushel of potatoes is in it."
Almanzo looked at the round piece of money that Father held up. It looked small, compared to all that work."
That lesson has stuck with me when thinking about training our girls to handle money wisely. For as we all know, money doesn't grow on trees.
So in our home, money is occasionally given as a present, or it is earned with chores, whether they be weekly or some extra need. However, we have found that money is not always the best currency for children 10 and under. They have so little need for it, and have little else but flippant wants to spend it on, that we began to see it wasn't the currency of motivation that our children needed to do their chores. (Translation: They didn't care if they did their chores or not, because the money was not yet valuable enough for them.)
That observation coupled with some tight financial times for our family gave birth to a new idea in currency for our children....Wii minutes! We keep a running total of each child's Wii minutes on the fridge. Each child has a list of chores and a scheduled time to do them daily. If they do them well, they get 30 minutes of Wii time to be spent on any electronic device. And if they do their chores with excellence AND an happy heart, they get 45 minutes. This has proved to be a valuable currency for our children. Because it involves something they treasure, (as well as something we like to put some limitations on :) ) they are more likely to do their chores consistently.
It also helps them see how much work they must do in order to gain a little leisure time; something that will hopefully transfer easily over to money as they grow. So if you are struggling with motivating your children to help around the house, I would encourage a close examination of what currency your child deals in. Perhaps you can use it to help set a good work ethic at an early age that will transfer over to a productive work in their young adult years.
"Father looked at him a long time. Then he took out his wallet and opened it, and slowly he took out a round, big silver half-dollar. He asked:
"Almanzo, do you know what this is?"
"Half a dollar," Almanzo answered.
"Yes. But do you know what half a dollar is?"
Almanzo didn't know it was anything but half a dollar.
"It's work, son," Father said. "That's what money is; it's hard work."...
... "You know how to raise potatoes, Almanzo?"
"Yes," Almanzo said.
"Say you have a seed potato in the spring, what do you with it?"
"You cut it up," Almanzo said.
"Go on, son."
"Then you harrow- first you manure the field, and plow it. Then you harrow, and mark the ground. And plant the potatoes, and plow them, and hoe them. You plow and hoe twice."
"That's right, son. And then?"
"Then you dig them and put them down the cellar."
"Yes. Then you pick them over all winter; you throw out all the little ones and the rotten ones. Come spring, you load them up and haul them here to Malone, and you sell them. And if you get a good price, son, how much do you get to show for all that work? How much do you get for half a bushel of potatoes?"
"Half a dollar," Almanzo said
"Yes," said Father. "That's what's in this half-dollar, Almanzo. The work that raised half a bushel of potatoes is in it."
Almanzo looked at the round piece of money that Father held up. It looked small, compared to all that work."
That lesson has stuck with me when thinking about training our girls to handle money wisely. For as we all know, money doesn't grow on trees.
So in our home, money is occasionally given as a present, or it is earned with chores, whether they be weekly or some extra need. However, we have found that money is not always the best currency for children 10 and under. They have so little need for it, and have little else but flippant wants to spend it on, that we began to see it wasn't the currency of motivation that our children needed to do their chores. (Translation: They didn't care if they did their chores or not, because the money was not yet valuable enough for them.)
That observation coupled with some tight financial times for our family gave birth to a new idea in currency for our children....Wii minutes! We keep a running total of each child's Wii minutes on the fridge. Each child has a list of chores and a scheduled time to do them daily. If they do them well, they get 30 minutes of Wii time to be spent on any electronic device. And if they do their chores with excellence AND an happy heart, they get 45 minutes. This has proved to be a valuable currency for our children. Because it involves something they treasure, (as well as something we like to put some limitations on :) ) they are more likely to do their chores consistently.
It also helps them see how much work they must do in order to gain a little leisure time; something that will hopefully transfer easily over to money as they grow. So if you are struggling with motivating your children to help around the house, I would encourage a close examination of what currency your child deals in. Perhaps you can use it to help set a good work ethic at an early age that will transfer over to a productive work in their young adult years.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Horse Training, Preparing for Parenthood
I know that the majority of my readers are friends from all the many lives I have led. Most of you are aware that I spent my growing years, riding, training, breeding, and showing horses. If you had asked me, as a child, what my life dream consisted of, horses was somehow a part of it. But, here I am, a good 20 years into my adult life, and horses are a just a fond memory. Yet, they gave me something invaluable in the life I lead now.
I noted in my last post, that I seldom know the "why" behind God's ways, but in His mercy, I believe this time he has given me a glimpse into the purpose of my extensive horse training in my young years. You see, I didn't grow up in a household of faith. In fact, I didn't become a follower of Christ until I was 17, but that is a post for another day.
I grew up in a divorced family. They were faithful, caring providers and I am grateful for them, but I grew up desiring a whole family. I heard in a child psychology class in college that we often repeat what we learn from our parents, but that occasionally there is one who can break the chain and forge a new path. I wanted desperately to be that one to break the divorce chain in my family. I began to pray that God would help me to do just that. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, and having been raised by two business women, (my mother, and step-mother) I somehow missed the home-life lessons that I would need to run a house and raise children. (Not that one couldn't learn those things from a business woman, but it wasn't my experience) I felt completely inadequate for the task ahead of me. I mean, come on, I had spent all my time in the barn. And although cleaning diapers is a cinch compared to mucking out stables, I had a long way to go.
So, I began to research. Shocking, I know. :) I took on a summer job as a live-in nanny to gain experience with running a household, and raising children. While I was working there, I stumbled across another book by Elisabeth Elliot about her family and how her parents shaped it after the teachings of Christ. I was a dry sponge soaking up the wisdom she shared. I came across a passage where Elisabeth described a conversation with a horse training friend of hers. Her friend began to share how the training of horses directly related to the training of young children, and how God had prepared her for her life as a mother through her experience with horses. I put down the book and cried tears of joy. Just then, I could see how God had been preparing me for the work He would give me. My parents were His perfect choice for me, and so were the horses. Not for my glory, but for His.
Jump a few years down the road to motherhood, and I began to see exactly what Elisabeth's horse-training friend meant. When your children are quite young, they can not reason with you, much like a horse. You can not explain to a 6 month old, why she should not touch the the candle, or glass object on your friend's coffee table, but you CAN train her to pull back her hand at the command, "No Touch". You can train your young child to stop on command...comes in mighty handy when they are about to run out in a parking lot. If you have practiced at home over and over, they stop at the command, before they realize they are doing it. And anyone who has trained a galloping1000 lb horse to dig in his haunches and slide to stand still at the shifting of your weight with a quick and quiet voice command, can tell you that a non-speaking toddler can be trained to sit quietly in your lap for a 15min-1 hour period. (note: must build up the time slowly)
When I see children running all over the library screaming and throwing fits, with a tired mother picking up their shedding clothing as she tries to catch up with them, I am NOT thinking, "She's a lousy mother." or "Boy, she can't get her act together." What typically passes through my mind is a sadness that many don't know what their children are capable of doing. I don't think we have so many ill-behaved children in our society because we have unwilling parents, I think the real problem lies in not knowing what those little darlings are truly capable of doing.
We met with a great deal of opposition when we began training our children before they were 1 yr old. I heard from many, that a baby cannot reason, so therefore we could not expect them to learn right from wrong. If we can train dogs and horses, why can't we train children, who are of such a higher intelligence? If a baby reaches for an object they shouldn't touch, why can't we tell her firmly, and calmly, "no touch" and pull her hand away form the object? Okay, yes, she will reach for it again, so give the command again, and pull her hand back. WHEN she does it again, this time give her little, sweet, dimpled hand a hard flick. At a young age, it will not truly hurt her, (you are NOT TRYING to hurt her) but she will get the point that you mean what you say. If you can establish that authority before they are 18 months old, the terrible twos will be much smoother. Maybe this analogy will help some who think that training begins when their child starts showing independence around 18 months:
In our barn we would begin teaching a horse to wear a halter and be led by a lead rope while they were but a few weeks old. Why? Not because we needed to lead them anywhere at that age, but because we were actually strong enough to move their weight where we needed it to be. Then the horse thinks that you are stronger, and in charge, from the beginning, and continues to respect that, even when it could crush you in its adult years. Obviously, we are not trying to just out-power our children, but I think you can see what I am getting at. Don't wait until your child is 18 months to start training her to obey you, or it will be more like breaking-in a wild mustang. It can be done, but it's much more difficult.
I noted in my last post, that I seldom know the "why" behind God's ways, but in His mercy, I believe this time he has given me a glimpse into the purpose of my extensive horse training in my young years. You see, I didn't grow up in a household of faith. In fact, I didn't become a follower of Christ until I was 17, but that is a post for another day.
I grew up in a divorced family. They were faithful, caring providers and I am grateful for them, but I grew up desiring a whole family. I heard in a child psychology class in college that we often repeat what we learn from our parents, but that occasionally there is one who can break the chain and forge a new path. I wanted desperately to be that one to break the divorce chain in my family. I began to pray that God would help me to do just that. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, and having been raised by two business women, (my mother, and step-mother) I somehow missed the home-life lessons that I would need to run a house and raise children. (Not that one couldn't learn those things from a business woman, but it wasn't my experience) I felt completely inadequate for the task ahead of me. I mean, come on, I had spent all my time in the barn. And although cleaning diapers is a cinch compared to mucking out stables, I had a long way to go.
So, I began to research. Shocking, I know. :) I took on a summer job as a live-in nanny to gain experience with running a household, and raising children. While I was working there, I stumbled across another book by Elisabeth Elliot about her family and how her parents shaped it after the teachings of Christ. I was a dry sponge soaking up the wisdom she shared. I came across a passage where Elisabeth described a conversation with a horse training friend of hers. Her friend began to share how the training of horses directly related to the training of young children, and how God had prepared her for her life as a mother through her experience with horses. I put down the book and cried tears of joy. Just then, I could see how God had been preparing me for the work He would give me. My parents were His perfect choice for me, and so were the horses. Not for my glory, but for His.
Jump a few years down the road to motherhood, and I began to see exactly what Elisabeth's horse-training friend meant. When your children are quite young, they can not reason with you, much like a horse. You can not explain to a 6 month old, why she should not touch the the candle, or glass object on your friend's coffee table, but you CAN train her to pull back her hand at the command, "No Touch". You can train your young child to stop on command...comes in mighty handy when they are about to run out in a parking lot. If you have practiced at home over and over, they stop at the command, before they realize they are doing it. And anyone who has trained a galloping1000 lb horse to dig in his haunches and slide to stand still at the shifting of your weight with a quick and quiet voice command, can tell you that a non-speaking toddler can be trained to sit quietly in your lap for a 15min-1 hour period. (note: must build up the time slowly)
When I see children running all over the library screaming and throwing fits, with a tired mother picking up their shedding clothing as she tries to catch up with them, I am NOT thinking, "She's a lousy mother." or "Boy, she can't get her act together." What typically passes through my mind is a sadness that many don't know what their children are capable of doing. I don't think we have so many ill-behaved children in our society because we have unwilling parents, I think the real problem lies in not knowing what those little darlings are truly capable of doing.
We met with a great deal of opposition when we began training our children before they were 1 yr old. I heard from many, that a baby cannot reason, so therefore we could not expect them to learn right from wrong. If we can train dogs and horses, why can't we train children, who are of such a higher intelligence? If a baby reaches for an object they shouldn't touch, why can't we tell her firmly, and calmly, "no touch" and pull her hand away form the object? Okay, yes, she will reach for it again, so give the command again, and pull her hand back. WHEN she does it again, this time give her little, sweet, dimpled hand a hard flick. At a young age, it will not truly hurt her, (you are NOT TRYING to hurt her) but she will get the point that you mean what you say. If you can establish that authority before they are 18 months old, the terrible twos will be much smoother. Maybe this analogy will help some who think that training begins when their child starts showing independence around 18 months:
In our barn we would begin teaching a horse to wear a halter and be led by a lead rope while they were but a few weeks old. Why? Not because we needed to lead them anywhere at that age, but because we were actually strong enough to move their weight where we needed it to be. Then the horse thinks that you are stronger, and in charge, from the beginning, and continues to respect that, even when it could crush you in its adult years. Obviously, we are not trying to just out-power our children, but I think you can see what I am getting at. Don't wait until your child is 18 months to start training her to obey you, or it will be more like breaking-in a wild mustang. It can be done, but it's much more difficult.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Arriving Late on the Scene
The tardiness of God, if I may call it that, in His interaction with our life's emergencies smacks of riding the most thrilling of roller coasters. No one who has truly walked with Jesus can say that life is dull or bland. Many times I have felt Him lead me to the edge of the precipice and coax me to jump, trusting that He will catch me. (Reminds me of that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when Indiana has to step off the cliff onto the path that he can not see from his perspective.)
For example, early in our marriage Ryan and I felt led to join a church planting project in Limerick, Ireland. In order to move there, Ryan had to find a job in a country where unemployment at that time was high, and an Irishman would have precedence over any other nationality. I had an 18 month old and was pregnant with the second child, during the time we were preparing to make the move. Before we could finalize this giant step, we took a one week trip over to Ireland to see if we could find a job, living arrangements, and birthing arrangements for me. After seeing the hospital there, I was confirmed in my leading to find a midwife to take me in my third trimester to birth at HOME....in a country where almost NOBODY homebirths. So here we were with one week to find what many said was impossible, and what I felt certainly was. By the time we left, we had our living arrangements set, a free car reserved for us, two jobs for Ryan, and I found a British midwife, who I adored, and who would take me on in my 3rd trimester for a home birth. He led, we jumped, and He caught us. He was there on the scene, and not a moment too soon, or too late.
But He doesn't always arrive just in time, or rather just when WE think He should. Take Jarius the synagogue ruler in Luke 8:49-56 for example. His daughter was dying, and he sent for Jesus to come and heal her. Jesus was willing, and as he approached, none too hurried by man's perspective, He received word that the girl had already passed away. He reassured those around Him to be brave, believe, and that the girl would be made well. He even told those weeping outside her home to dry their tears, for the girl was not dead, but sleeping.
Sometimes God does not seem to be in his right mind because we can not see all that He sees. Those weeping for the dead girl certainly did not think Jesus knew what He was talking about. He arrived too late, from what they could see. But Jesus went in to the girl's room and raised her from the dead. Why didn't He choose to save her before she died? And save those who loved her from the grief of seeing her die? I don't know. I rarely know the "why" behind the workings of God. But I do know, that although He appeared to be tardy in His interaction, it is never too late for the God who can bring life out of death.
I write this today as a reminder to myself, as much as an encouragement to those who read it and understand. Yesterday I was given the news that we have a leak under our house. We have smelled something unpleasant for the last two weeks, and have been searching our cabinets and cleaning every nook and cranny to no avail. I called the exterminator to come out and check for a dead animal under the house, he didn't find one, but he did find some kind of leak that has soaked our insulation, and who knows what else. I have visions of black mold, and every kind of doom. A handyman friend of ours will be out today to crawl under and see what is really going on...it really smells in the house.
For a family of seven on a teacher salary, a major house repair is never good news. Sometimes it appears that we can never get ahead. But God is not tardy, even if it appears so to me. He will be faithful to meet this need as carefully as He met them all in Ireland. He may meet the need in a timely manner for me, or He may arrive late on the scene, but it will only makefor a more exciting ride. Whatever He chooses, I know I can trust Him, and that is enough.
For example, early in our marriage Ryan and I felt led to join a church planting project in Limerick, Ireland. In order to move there, Ryan had to find a job in a country where unemployment at that time was high, and an Irishman would have precedence over any other nationality. I had an 18 month old and was pregnant with the second child, during the time we were preparing to make the move. Before we could finalize this giant step, we took a one week trip over to Ireland to see if we could find a job, living arrangements, and birthing arrangements for me. After seeing the hospital there, I was confirmed in my leading to find a midwife to take me in my third trimester to birth at HOME....in a country where almost NOBODY homebirths. So here we were with one week to find what many said was impossible, and what I felt certainly was. By the time we left, we had our living arrangements set, a free car reserved for us, two jobs for Ryan, and I found a British midwife, who I adored, and who would take me on in my 3rd trimester for a home birth. He led, we jumped, and He caught us. He was there on the scene, and not a moment too soon, or too late.
But He doesn't always arrive just in time, or rather just when WE think He should. Take Jarius the synagogue ruler in Luke 8:49-56 for example. His daughter was dying, and he sent for Jesus to come and heal her. Jesus was willing, and as he approached, none too hurried by man's perspective, He received word that the girl had already passed away. He reassured those around Him to be brave, believe, and that the girl would be made well. He even told those weeping outside her home to dry their tears, for the girl was not dead, but sleeping.
Sometimes God does not seem to be in his right mind because we can not see all that He sees. Those weeping for the dead girl certainly did not think Jesus knew what He was talking about. He arrived too late, from what they could see. But Jesus went in to the girl's room and raised her from the dead. Why didn't He choose to save her before she died? And save those who loved her from the grief of seeing her die? I don't know. I rarely know the "why" behind the workings of God. But I do know, that although He appeared to be tardy in His interaction, it is never too late for the God who can bring life out of death.
I write this today as a reminder to myself, as much as an encouragement to those who read it and understand. Yesterday I was given the news that we have a leak under our house. We have smelled something unpleasant for the last two weeks, and have been searching our cabinets and cleaning every nook and cranny to no avail. I called the exterminator to come out and check for a dead animal under the house, he didn't find one, but he did find some kind of leak that has soaked our insulation, and who knows what else. I have visions of black mold, and every kind of doom. A handyman friend of ours will be out today to crawl under and see what is really going on...it really smells in the house.
For a family of seven on a teacher salary, a major house repair is never good news. Sometimes it appears that we can never get ahead. But God is not tardy, even if it appears so to me. He will be faithful to meet this need as carefully as He met them all in Ireland. He may meet the need in a timely manner for me, or He may arrive late on the scene, but it will only makefor a more exciting ride. Whatever He chooses, I know I can trust Him, and that is enough.
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