"THE" Stockings

Stockings on the mantle...that just about does it for me.  These particular stockings are special, my step-mother made them.  When I was young she made them for my brother and I, and as we married and had children she kept up with us. The Christmas after Ryan and I moved home from Ireland, we opened a box from the mail to find "our" stockings.  She had sent them to us, and we became a new family of Christmas traditions building on the shoulders of the families we came from.

It's not just the simple beauty of the stockings that makes me so happy when I look at them.  It's the love, thought and time with which they were created, and the loaded memories of past Christmases mixed with the hope of Christmases "future" that fill them and delight me every year I pull them out of the decoration box.

This year, I pulled them out to find that a mouse had tried to take some of Ryan's stocking to make a nest.  NOT COOL MR. MOUSE!  (He had come like the moths to steal and destroy something I hold dear.)  The girls ran to me crying, "There's a hole in Papa's stocking!"  I was glad to see that it was a small one, easily repaired, and I set down and righted the wrong instantly.

But, the incident made me think..."Who else knows how to make "THE" stockings?"   I never took the time to learn.  AH!  MY EMMA! She is the resident knitter, and she is the one to take on the tradition.

  It's tempting as a homeschool mom to feel the pressure to be everything my children need...mother, teacher, friend.  I'm with them ALL the time, shouldn't I be able to teach them all they should know?  NO! What a burden! What a vanity!  What a dis-service to my children! 

I am not able to teach my girls everything they need to know, or want to know.  I have given up that ideal. However, I am able to find them the teachers who CAN pass on the things I never learned, or at least give them tools they need to find out HOW to learn what they desire to know.

My step-mother has sent the pattern, and will work with Emma when we visit them.   The steps have been taken and the tradition will be passed on to a new generation to enjoy.

Homemade Gifts

Several years ago when we were just starting a home studio, we had less than a little money.  We decided to make a good many of the gifts that we gave each other and our girls.  Here are some of the gifts we made...we STILL get requests from the girls to do more of these:

1. Make a "Mama" or "Papa" tape...We had a tape recorder and we would make a special tape for each child.  On it we would sing hymns, and read favorite books, sing counting songs, or alphabet songs, and leave them special messages just from us.  This was not only a gift to the child, but a gift to Mama or Papa, too.  When the girls were young, I could let them have some time to listen to their special tape. This would encourage their learning, and give me some extra moments to get something done, or spend time schooling an older child.  I would like to figure out how to get a new special recording for each girl onto our itouch for them to listen to this year.  Maybe I could read them poetry, or older stories, etc.

2. Buttercrunch, or other homemade family goody.  Everyone one of  our girls requested a bag of homemade buttercrunch for Christmas this year.  Sometimes I think that homemade goodies are more fun to get in your stocking because you can't get them in a store.  Demand and supply, and the such. ;)

3.  Last year I took the, then 5 yro old aside and instead of going to the dollar store to pick out presents for everyone, I helped her make HUGE snowflake shaped iced, sugar cookies from scratch.  We wrapped them up carefully and hid them in the freezer.  And she brought them out for everyone on Christmas.  She was so delighted with her gift...and so was everyone else!

4.  A few years ago I took my oldest daughter to the fabric shop and she picked out a yard or two of patterned flannel for each sister and cousin.  Everyone got a unique fabric.  Then, with a VERY simple pattern, Emma sewed each child a pillow case of her own on the sewing machine.  It was a simple, but sweet gift from a 9 yro.

5. Putting together an organizer for your spouse's needs...maybe scripture memory, maybe coupons (Ryan put together a system for my coupons last year), or anything else they need help organizing.  It takes more thought than cash, and sometimes that makes it more valuable.

What are some of the homemade gifts that have been a success in your home?

Sweet Reminder

I don't know about you, but I tend to get a little flustered when things do not go according to MY plan.

Let's take Monday for example. We were scheduled to get a delivery from Rooms to Go for a set of Bunk Beds that our girls have been waiting for us to get them for over 10 months.  It has taken us a long time to find just the right set up and deal and we were so excited that they were finally arriving.

A few nights before, Ryan had taken apart the old bunk beds (twin over twin) to make way for the new (twin over full) so three girls had been camping out on their bedroom floor.  We were recovering from a big charity event that we had been planning for months that had taken place the evening before. The delivery truck was to arrive between the hours of 8 am and 12 pm, so I was letting our crew sleep in a little.  At 7:45 the delivery truck pulled up our driveway and I ran like a wild woman through the house waking up the girls, telling them to get dressed, and pulling up the bedding they were using on the floor where the new beds were going to go. THEY WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE THAT EARLY...it wasn't in my plan.

After a few minutes of dusting off my rusty Spanish in listening to the two delivery men discuss something outside my daughters' bedroom, I realized our problem.  The steps leading up the side of the new beds wouldn't round the corner AND make it into the door of the bedroom prepared to receive them.  NO!!!  NO, NO, NO!!!!  That was NOT what I wanted to hear.  It quickly became apparent to me that we were going to have to switch the girl's bedrooms around.  The steps would fit into the other room because there wasn't a corner blocking the entrance.  SO We then had to take my older daughters' "pack rat" room to pieces and pull out their beds and ALL THE STUFF STORED UNDER THEM....out into our living room. 

The men set up the new beds in the room that fit, but NOT in the room I had prepared....and NOW I was really flustered...kids hadn't eaten breakfast, the dishes were partly in and out of the dishwasher, and my day was blown. Forget about trying to school now.  We had to plan our trip from one end of the house to the other ducking in and out of the older girls' bed frames just to go to the bathroom.  The men had blocked the kid's bathroom with the mattresses from the older girls' beds...and THEN they left me...they didn't set the older girls' beds up for me in the other room before they left.  They put in the new bunks and then left me 5 kids and all the chaos.

Now, that would be enough to stress me out, but add to it that evening's Band and Chorus Concert for my husband and now I am running errands all over town picking up tux pants for  a student here, and plastic forks and knives for the desserts afterward, there...and you get the picture.  I couldn't even begin to deal with the chaos that was in my home...not good.  Distracted Mama makes for a snappy Mama, and I needed the Lord to place a guard not only over my mouth, but over my thoughts...because we speak that which is in our hearts.

Well I was done by the end of the concert that evening, and we still had to set up the beds for the older girls before they could got to sleep.  They could have slept on the floor, but I wanted to put their beds up because they had been so especially great in agreeing to change rooms SO suddenly. (when I KNEW they didn't want to.)

Exhausted, and ready to crash, I walked up the steps to the new bunks to tuck in Laura (8), up WAY past her bedtime.  I gave her a kiss, and she asked if we were going to do school the next day.  I said, "Honey, Mama has to worry about how to get everything back in order tomorrow."  Then it happened...the scripture that Laura has been hiding in her heart came out, and she admonished and encouraged me all at once.  Smiling, she sweetly said, "Mama, 'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.' Mat 6:34" 

Out of the mouths of babes... :)

It Begins At home- Take 2

Earlier today I put up a post that I intended to be about training our children at home, but I was not careful in my approach to this matter, and I used a comparison that made me look like I had it all together. I apologize for this post and the manner in which it was written. I in no way intended to represent myself as having "arrived" in my parenting. I needed to take heed of my earlier post on TONE, and make sure that HOW I said it was weighed as heavily as WHAT I was trying to say.

So let me try again to say what I was really trying to get across.  I would like to introduce a topic that may be new in essence to many of you, it was certainly nothing I have ever heard of when I was growing up, but I came across it in my earlier years of parenting and it has made a HUGE difference for our family.  How many of us have gotten up on stage to perform a piano concerto without practicing at home for hours?  Or, how many of us would like to meet the opposing team on Friday night without having gone to any of the practices during the week?  NOT ME!!!!  But why then do I ask my children to behave like star performers out in public when I do not give them the chance to practice first at home?

You see Ryan and I decided that it was important to us to have our whole family in church together.  So early on we had to figure out HOW to train a young child to stay quiet during church time. I won't get into all the details because I don't want the principles of the training to be lost in it all. We came across some child training material that discussed practicing at home the behaviors, or manners, you want your child to show in public.  So, we set up church at home.  We sat on the couch, broke out the hymnals and listened to a sermon.  We went over what was expected, and we worked on what to do and what not to do.  ie. Younger children are allowed to color quietly, but not to talk out loud, or get out of their chair.  After a few weeks of practicing they were really getting the hang of it (remember I didn't always have 5 children...so it was easier to train the younger ones as they also had their older siblings as examples) and I was actually getting to listen to the sermons again...well at least most of them.

So we applied this training to another area that was of EXTREME importance to me...the GROCERY STORE.  I  cannot shop if I am battling little people pulling things off shelves, or constantly begging  me to buy them something.  That MAY be tolerable to some with one child (I personally can't handle all the distraction when I am trying to stretch that dollar as far as it will go), but it is INSANE with 5.  So we began training for the grocery store at home.  We would practice getting in and out of the car, and practice walking with Mama through the aisles  (that we made up at home).  When we felt they were ready to venture out to the store with their new expectations, Ryan went with me to help be an extra pair of eyes...We went to Walmart later at night so there would be fewer people to witness our crazy family.  But it worked!  I have not had a temper tantrum in the store since our training. They do not beg me to buy things. They can tell me once if they would like to get something, but if I tell them "no" then they cannot ask again.  If they try to, they know we won't be getting that item for some time.  As a side note, we have not done this training again since our 5th has arrived, and I was shocked to hear her (3yro) beg me for something the other day in the store. The other 4 children looked at her with a bit of surprise as well.  I sometimes forget what the youngest hasn't learned, since in my mind I "covered that" earlier.  I guess I have some "training" to do in my near future. :)

I know this method will seem "over the top" to some of you, or just down-right bizarre.  But it works, and it gives our children the confidence to know what's expected of them.  They are more at ease because they know their boundaries.  (I remember feeling as a child that I was only told when I did something WRONG, and it was frustrating when I didn't know what I was expected to do.)  Our children aren't always perfect, but they are easily pulled in line, because they have practiced the correct behavior over and over.  Practice makes perfect, so they say.  I don't know about perfect, but it sure makes "peaceful".  And peaceful for Mama, means happy for everyone.

What things would you like your children to practice?

Forced Sharing?

A dear friend has asked me to blog about teaching siblings to share.  With 5 girls in the house we have had, and have, daily opportunities to learn just that.  Before we get into the nitty-gritty of it all, I'd like to take a broad look at sharing.

Sharing is by definition, VOLUNTARY.  If someone chooses to share, it is just that, a CHOICE.  Forced sharing smacks of domination, and is therefore less than optimal in the trait you are trying to encourage in your child.

With that said, when our children were very young, they had to be SHOWN what sharing means.  They were given the chance to share, and if they chose to do so we would sing their praises and give them a special treat for giving-way to another.  If they chose not to we said that was fine and made nothing more of it, UNLESS we saw that it had become a problem.  If that was the case, and sharing was being denied for only one sibling, for example, we would pull her aside and ask them what she loved more...her toy, or her sister.  Put like that, she would lean toward sharing.  For a long time the motto around our house has been "We love people, we like things". 

As our girls have grown, we have encountered certain teachable moments where one has chosen NOT to share that which would have cost them nothing to share...the common phrase heard then is, "That is an opportunity to show love that you have missed and will NEVER get back."  We also stress that if she likes it when her sisters share with her, then she had best share with her sisters...the basic Golden Rule principle.

On very rare occasions when we have seen that a child has been not only selfish, but VERY unkind, we have had to address the attitude with discipline.  But when we do, we are addressing the tone and attitude, not the decision to withhold sharing.

One thing we have shown older children who are dealing with younger siblings with a "mine" complex (always running around and grabbing things and saying, "MINE") is to show less interest in the object the younger child is guarding.  Often times the younger sibling just wants the thing that the older one wants, because the older one's attention gives that object VALUE in the younger sibling's eyes.  We tell them to act REALLY interested in another toy.  When the younger one leaves to play with the NEW interest, the older one can go play with the first object without much difficulty.  This works a majority of the time, and gives the older sibling a way to handle the somewhat annoying younger child, without bullying them.

But what happens when all FIVE girls want to do something at the same time?  When they were younger we would help offer solutions for them to take turns, etc.  Now that they are older, we sit back and give them a few minutes to work it out.  If  they still can't work it out, we tell them that they may not play with that object, or they can't watch a movie because they couldn't agree on WHICH one.

What are some of the methods you use in your home to encourage sharing?

Why We Don't Do Santa Claus

Warning:  I am NOT about to judge you or your family's preferences in this blog...so break the fight stance and relax.


I know of many families that choose not to participate in the Santa aspects of Christmas because they feel that it detracts from the focus of celebrating God's gift to us in Jesus.  Although we do like to focus on Jesus for Christmas, the underlying motive for our lack of  Santa comes from a different origin.

Let me explain.  You see Ryan and I were both the youngest children in our family, and therefore the last to figure things out relating to all-things-Santa.  We felt foolish, lied to, and our trust in our parents was rocked from a kid's perspective.  We began thinking at a young age..."What else aren't they telling me?"  We were concerned that this might rock our child's trust in us, too.

So, in the beginning years of our marriage we discussed the importance of our children trusting that we will always be truthful with them.  That required us to go against the grain at Christmas time.  Grandparents weren't so pleased at first.   They were genuinely concerned that we might be stealing some of the joys and mysteries out of the season.  We took note of their comments, and made steps to ensure the excitement for the kids was still there.

What is it that is SO exciting for kids Christmas morning...come now, be honest...it's the presents!  It's the going to bed with a few presents mailed in from relatives under the tree, and waking up to a whole new bunch of presents the next morning.  Do the kids have to believe that Santa brought them to make it exciting?  Not really...our kids have known it was us ALL along...and they still wake up before the crack of dawn giggling in their rooms.  We don't allow them to leave their room and see the gifts until we have taken a family pic in our p.j.'s....then we all come out and go through our stockings together, before handing out the presents under the tree.  We play Christmas music, and have morning goodies to eat, and laugh, and enjoy the gift of each other.

So I place this blog out there as food for thought, mostly for young families just starting out.  We realize that we are in the minority on this issue, but we have never regretted our decision, and we just wanted to share it with others as an option.  Not only does this decision establish more trust with our children, it makes for a simpler, less commercial feel for the season.  And yes, it does help us to focus our celebrations on Jesus, too.

Note: We have also discussed with our children that other families have made a different choice from ours, and that they are NEVER to tell a child about the "Santa Truth".   That is a responsibility for that child's family to take care of in their own timing.

Setting the Tone

Have you ever considered teaching your children to be aware of the tone they use?  From around age 3 or 4 we teach our girls that HOW they say something is just as important as WHAT they say.  How many times have you heard one of your children apologizing to the other with a frustrated angry tone?  How very heartfelt she sounds as she holds her sibling in her vice grip and says she is sorry with a tone that shows NO remorse or repentance.

On more than one occasion we are known to repeat what our child has said using her tone, and then again in the appropriate tone.  We literally see the light bulbs going on in her head in the process.  We have also been known to show them the difference between saying "I LOVE YOU" with a sarcastic tone AND a sincere one, to bring to light how sarcasm sounds when inappropriately used.

One word of caution if you plan to embark on this essential part of your child's training, you will have to keep a more careful check on your OWN tone in the process.  Do you raise your voice when frustrated?  Do you bark orders at your child? Does she know you for your sweetness of tone even under pressure?  Humbling, isn't it?  It calls to mind a phrase I heard repeated a great deal during my college years..."More is CAUGHT, than TAUGHT."