Someone has broken a rule, and you didn't see it, but a pair of little eyes did. She comes to tell you how her sister has broken the rule, and the desire to deliver swift justice is clouded by a dirty feeling that something doesn't ring true with the scenario. You talk with the offending child to find that indeed she did break the rules, and as the punishment is dealt out, her sickening sideways glance to the tattling sister makes your heart hurt. The sibling's relationship has been dealt a hard, treacherous blow. You feel the injustice and suddenly realize how to make things right. You deal out punishment to the tattler as well, for seeking to get her sister in trouble, and for acting with authority where she had none.
Here is the unspoken truth that we've all known since our childhood: tattling is different from telling. Telling is motivated from a desire to keep another from hurting themselves or others. Tattling comes from the secret seeds of pride in the heart, that desires another's demise in order to make oneself look better. If you allow tattling among your children, then you are sowing the seeds of disunity between siblings and allowing the weeds of pride to grow strong in the heart of the tattler. This is the reason that we hold to a strict policy of tattlers receiving punishment along with the offending sibling. (There have been times when the tattler's punishment was worse than the offending child's, especially if the tattler has a bad habit of tattling. Sometimes we have even said, that since we didn't see the offense, we won't punish the offending sibling, while still punishing the tattler. In those times, we also warn the offending sibling that we will discipline them if we do catch them in the act. We are big believers that things done in secret will be brought to light, it's just a matter of time.)
There have been occasional times that we have asked an older sibling to come along side us in the training of a younger child, by giving them the authority to tell us if the younger sibling is doing the behavior we are trying to train out of her. Then, that older child has been given our authority to help us in training a difficult to see trait, or behavior. For example, we might ask the older sibling that shares the room with the toddler who has just moved out of her crib, to tell us if the toddler got out of bed without permission. These times are usually for a short season, and give us a chance to train our older children in the arts of child training for their future lives as well. (We teach them the graces of not lording over the younger child, but taking on the desire to see her succeed by gently helping her along.)
We do allow telling, in that a child may tell us when they think a sister is doing or about to do something that would cause her harm, like jumping from too high a height, etc. But as discussed before, this is a very different thing from tattling. There is a disgust in all stages of life for the one that goes to the authority to defame a peer. Very few societies have tolerance for such betrayal, and I have seen many sibling relationships greatly damaged by parents who allow it. In response to many who have asked us how to build unity and lessen fighting among siblings, I would encourage the intolerance of tattling, by dealing out swift punishment for the tattler.
It not only affects the sibling unity, but it corrodes the heart of the tattler, as well. She begins to believe that she is better than her sisters, and the seeds of pride grow. All too easily she becomes more interested in finding the faults in others, instead of busily working to rid herself of her own. After careful practice, she will easily miss the plank in her own eye, while diligently seeking to point out the speck in her sister's. And as she grows, she will resemble the busybody that so many of us know in our lives.
The heart of the child is a garden, and the wise parent will diligently tend it.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Dear Friends
There are people in your life who change you. People whose opinion you value more greatly than others, and whose company revives your spirit like only a few can do. One such person was the maid of honor in our wedding. We became friends when we roomed together after college. This friend walked some amazing days with me, and always pointed me back to the Lord in the decisions I was making and in the relationships I was building. She had front row seats as God brought Ryan and I together, and she became like a sister to me.
The Lord has arranged that my friend and I should serve Him on different continents for the last 11 years. We keep in touch through Skype, emails, and the ever wonderful Facebook, but there is nothing like having her in our home. Just recently, she and her family came to stay with us for a week; something that only happens once every few years. I know it is difficult for her family to share this time with our family, and I am grateful for their generosity. ( I know I would have a hard time sharing my daughter with another family if I only got to see her once every few years.)
There is something about journeying through life together with her. Our husbands have a grand time as well, and it makes for many moments of hysterical laughter, and who doesn't need that? The ease with which we pick up never ceases to amaze me. You know you have a special friend when you can see them once every couple of years and it seems as though we just got together last week.
I remember during my public school days that a teacher once told me that to have even one such friend in your life is to be truly rich. I feel blessed to have a handful of such friends, and though most would not define our family as wealthy, in this area we feel particularly blessed. Seldom do you have people stay in your home for a week and you feel more refreshed than before they came. I hope that Ryan and I can be that kind of friends to the people in our lives...to leave them refreshed after having spent time with us.
I would like to encourage you to build and foster this kind of relationship with people who will tell you the truth, and love you where you are at. Their value is far above the riches of the world. Parenting can be draining and demanding, but to have such friends in your life will help you carry the load more gracefully. And who doesn't need a healthy dose of grace in their life?
The Lord has arranged that my friend and I should serve Him on different continents for the last 11 years. We keep in touch through Skype, emails, and the ever wonderful Facebook, but there is nothing like having her in our home. Just recently, she and her family came to stay with us for a week; something that only happens once every few years. I know it is difficult for her family to share this time with our family, and I am grateful for their generosity. ( I know I would have a hard time sharing my daughter with another family if I only got to see her once every few years.)
There is something about journeying through life together with her. Our husbands have a grand time as well, and it makes for many moments of hysterical laughter, and who doesn't need that? The ease with which we pick up never ceases to amaze me. You know you have a special friend when you can see them once every couple of years and it seems as though we just got together last week.
I remember during my public school days that a teacher once told me that to have even one such friend in your life is to be truly rich. I feel blessed to have a handful of such friends, and though most would not define our family as wealthy, in this area we feel particularly blessed. Seldom do you have people stay in your home for a week and you feel more refreshed than before they came. I hope that Ryan and I can be that kind of friends to the people in our lives...to leave them refreshed after having spent time with us.
I would like to encourage you to build and foster this kind of relationship with people who will tell you the truth, and love you where you are at. Their value is far above the riches of the world. Parenting can be draining and demanding, but to have such friends in your life will help you carry the load more gracefully. And who doesn't need a healthy dose of grace in their life?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Purpose Driven
Things were feeling a little sluggish around here recently. After we finished homeschool, there was a mad dash to all the various screens in the house. Computers, Itouches, Wii, t.v., every form of glowing light was being used to the utmost. I began to sense a disintegration of family life, but everything they were doing was educational in one way or another, so I kept telling myself that it wasn't a complete wash. Besides, it was probably the only time in the day when three to five people weren't calling for my attention at the same time, so maybe I was a little guilty in allowing it so that I could get some things done uninterrupted. (Uninterrupted? Did I just consciously verbalize that I was viewing my children as an interruption to MY day and MY plans? Hmmm, perhaps there is more than one blog post message hidden here.)
One afternoon last week, as I walked through the house during the "screen bonanza", I couldn't believe how many toys and games were sitting unused in our little home. I tried to remember the last creative play time the girls had worked together to build some fantasy world or game. A few weeks at least, or perhaps a month...it was hard to tell, but it was enough time to call a family conference.
Five bodies on the couch stared up at their pacing mother as I tried to articulate a new plan, and communicate the nearby danger of our family becoming high functioning roommates who don't really build community together. "All this time that we spend in front of screens is self directed, and isolating. It takes away our chance to do something as a team. We need projects! We need to work together toward a common goal. You can also be pouring some time into skills that you can use later in life. I like to see you cooking in the kitchen, making dolls clothes, knitting, working on fitness goals...SOMETHING!" So they brainstormed, and I think there was some true excitement involved as well. It was also an interesting look in to the passions and interests of our girls that I might not have noticed before then.
Well, God has a way of providing the very thing we need most when we ask Him for wisdom and guidance. Not even two days past that conversation did the girls find a turtle in the back yard. Pleading eyes told me that they wanted to keep him. I'm not one to punish wild things by making them captives of little hands, but this turtle was in the wrong place at the wrong time. "Yes, you can keep it. But, you must look up all about turtles. I want to know what kind of turtle this is, what it eats, what it needs in a terrarium, what gender it is, how long it lives...everything you can find." Oh, they were busy learning and reporting and the poor turtle was prodded and examined, but I am happy to say that she has survived, and now sits in a tank in the playroom.
Then the next project/purpose presented itself. We were invited to help a nearby family raise the money they needed to adopt a young girl from the Ukraine. Yuliya's story struck home with our girls. Here was a girl of 15 who had one month left in the system before she would be turned out on the streets. Without family or friends, Yuliya would likely end up like a majority of orphans in the Ukraine...crime or prostitution. When our girls heard this they began brainstorming ways to raise money. Two of the girls decided they wanted to make and sell cookies. They came to me with a recipe and asked if I would purchase the ingredients needed to make them. We got right to work and made 54 iced sugar cookies and sent them to school with Ryan. His students were so excited, they wanted more, so I went back to the store and got more ingredients. This time the girls worked into the night to make 72 more cookies. The students responded with even more excitement. (One pair of brothers brought in $33 for one cookie!) Ryan's classes began talking about making posters around the school and getting a club to sponsor in helping bring Yulyia home. It was thrilling for the girls to get the text today that all the cookies had sold before the last class of he day!
It has been a joy to work together to help others, and that creativity is spilling into other areas...board games have come out everyday, some of which I forgot we owned. There was a rousing game of Blind Man's Bluff tonight before bed. And the girls have taken to filming their own movie of "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"...that will be a project loaded with family memories for years to come, and full of laughter for all of us now, too. It's amazing what a little purpose can do for a life, a family, and a community!
One afternoon last week, as I walked through the house during the "screen bonanza", I couldn't believe how many toys and games were sitting unused in our little home. I tried to remember the last creative play time the girls had worked together to build some fantasy world or game. A few weeks at least, or perhaps a month...it was hard to tell, but it was enough time to call a family conference.
Five bodies on the couch stared up at their pacing mother as I tried to articulate a new plan, and communicate the nearby danger of our family becoming high functioning roommates who don't really build community together. "All this time that we spend in front of screens is self directed, and isolating. It takes away our chance to do something as a team. We need projects! We need to work together toward a common goal. You can also be pouring some time into skills that you can use later in life. I like to see you cooking in the kitchen, making dolls clothes, knitting, working on fitness goals...SOMETHING!" So they brainstormed, and I think there was some true excitement involved as well. It was also an interesting look in to the passions and interests of our girls that I might not have noticed before then.
Well, God has a way of providing the very thing we need most when we ask Him for wisdom and guidance. Not even two days past that conversation did the girls find a turtle in the back yard. Pleading eyes told me that they wanted to keep him. I'm not one to punish wild things by making them captives of little hands, but this turtle was in the wrong place at the wrong time. "Yes, you can keep it. But, you must look up all about turtles. I want to know what kind of turtle this is, what it eats, what it needs in a terrarium, what gender it is, how long it lives...everything you can find." Oh, they were busy learning and reporting and the poor turtle was prodded and examined, but I am happy to say that she has survived, and now sits in a tank in the playroom.
Then the next project/purpose presented itself. We were invited to help a nearby family raise the money they needed to adopt a young girl from the Ukraine. Yuliya's story struck home with our girls. Here was a girl of 15 who had one month left in the system before she would be turned out on the streets. Without family or friends, Yuliya would likely end up like a majority of orphans in the Ukraine...crime or prostitution. When our girls heard this they began brainstorming ways to raise money. Two of the girls decided they wanted to make and sell cookies. They came to me with a recipe and asked if I would purchase the ingredients needed to make them. We got right to work and made 54 iced sugar cookies and sent them to school with Ryan. His students were so excited, they wanted more, so I went back to the store and got more ingredients. This time the girls worked into the night to make 72 more cookies. The students responded with even more excitement. (One pair of brothers brought in $33 for one cookie!) Ryan's classes began talking about making posters around the school and getting a club to sponsor in helping bring Yulyia home. It was thrilling for the girls to get the text today that all the cookies had sold before the last class of he day!
It has been a joy to work together to help others, and that creativity is spilling into other areas...board games have come out everyday, some of which I forgot we owned. There was a rousing game of Blind Man's Bluff tonight before bed. And the girls have taken to filming their own movie of "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"...that will be a project loaded with family memories for years to come, and full of laughter for all of us now, too. It's amazing what a little purpose can do for a life, a family, and a community!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
Our four year old has become consumed with Mother Goose Rhymes recently. She loves the melodious sounds of the words and the ridiculous stories they tell. Often after a few minutes of reading we are both in a fit of giggles about some silly picture or rhyme in her book. But, I always hold a secret smile whenever we read the one about what little girls are made of. We have quite a few "little girls" and most of the time they are full of everything nice, but occasionally they fall prey to a feminine pitfall that many never grow out of. It seems that many little girls struggle with emotional manipulation, hissy fits, or as I like to call it "being a slave to her emotions".
Little girls are generally cute, and there is a special elation that comes from seeing them react excitedly to a new situation or gift, but it is equally repelling to see one scowl and pout and stomp her feet, or even scream when things don't go her way. I have seen parents laugh at the little terror knowing that her size is all that keeps her from being a real threat to anyone, other than an annoyance. I have even seen parents jump and try to fix whatever the problem may be in order to make their princess smile again. (Which only encourages her to try that tactic again next time.) But little girls who don't learn to be masters of their emotions while they are young, grow up to be wives who emotionally manipulate and throw fits to get their way.
Some of our girls have been more outward about this issue than the others, but whether they use silence or noise to get what they want, we have talked with them all about being the masters of their emotions or face the alternative...being slaves to them. When our little darlings would throw a fit, we would quickly discipline the situation, and then have them practice the proper way to communicate their frustration. It's important to recognize emotions but learning to properly communicate them is crucial to healthy relationships.
What we practice is what we become. Let a little girl practice emotional manipulation, and she will be an expert in the art by the time she reaches puberty. Guide her to master her feelings and do the right thing, regardless of how she feels, and she will be more likely to grow into a self-disciplined adult. Help her to practice communicating her feelings in a reasonable fashion and you will be giving her building blocks to use in healthy relationships and a happy marriage down the road.
Truth be told, we are the examples our children watch the most in learning how to react and handle our emotions. That hits a bit too close to home for me at times. I pray that God will help me to be the kind of mother who is gracious in hardship, kind when provoked, quick to forgive and quiet of heart.
Little girls are generally cute, and there is a special elation that comes from seeing them react excitedly to a new situation or gift, but it is equally repelling to see one scowl and pout and stomp her feet, or even scream when things don't go her way. I have seen parents laugh at the little terror knowing that her size is all that keeps her from being a real threat to anyone, other than an annoyance. I have even seen parents jump and try to fix whatever the problem may be in order to make their princess smile again. (Which only encourages her to try that tactic again next time.) But little girls who don't learn to be masters of their emotions while they are young, grow up to be wives who emotionally manipulate and throw fits to get their way.
Some of our girls have been more outward about this issue than the others, but whether they use silence or noise to get what they want, we have talked with them all about being the masters of their emotions or face the alternative...being slaves to them. When our little darlings would throw a fit, we would quickly discipline the situation, and then have them practice the proper way to communicate their frustration. It's important to recognize emotions but learning to properly communicate them is crucial to healthy relationships.
What we practice is what we become. Let a little girl practice emotional manipulation, and she will be an expert in the art by the time she reaches puberty. Guide her to master her feelings and do the right thing, regardless of how she feels, and she will be more likely to grow into a self-disciplined adult. Help her to practice communicating her feelings in a reasonable fashion and you will be giving her building blocks to use in healthy relationships and a happy marriage down the road.
Truth be told, we are the examples our children watch the most in learning how to react and handle our emotions. That hits a bit too close to home for me at times. I pray that God will help me to be the kind of mother who is gracious in hardship, kind when provoked, quick to forgive and quiet of heart.
Monday, August 22, 2011
God Doesn't Save "Good" People
Somewhere on the path of my life, I grew up with the ever-so-popular idea that good people go to Heaven, and bad people go to Hell. You can imagine my shock around the age of seventeen when I encountered scriptures in the Bible that read: (Rom 3:10) "As it is written: "THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NO, NOT ONE;" and (Rom 3:23)..." for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,". Just hold on! You mean that no one is "good" in the sight of God? Everyone is bad? Even people who dedicate their whole lives to serving others, like Mother Theresa? But surely their goodness outweighs their bad-ness, right? I don't know about you, but I had a little "moral scales" in my head, and up until really understanding the above scriptures, I had simply assumed that God, like me, (and well, almost everyone I could think of), was just weighing all our actions. And if we tipped over to the good side when we died, we got the golden ticket into the everlasting cool place.
Apparently, that is not how God set things up, at least according to the Bible. I had to be honest with myself. I fit into the "no, not one" and "all have sinned" category. In fact, I was all too aware of my shortcomings, my faults, my blatant disregard for the commandments of God. I could feel myself slipping down a steep incline, and I began to feel the panic of one who cannot save herself. I began to read the Bible in search of answers, in search of hope.
As you read the Gospels, you cannot help but examine Jesus' behavior with the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the scum of society, and contrast it with how He interacts with the religious leaders, and those who had a high, respected standing in the community. With the sinners, He is gentle as He teaches them about salvation and repentance, but with the religious leaders He is harsh, calling them to examine themselves more closely. What is it that Jesus is seeing in the two groups? What is it that He values most? It is not how high they were born, or their education, or even religious knowledge. He didn't see one group as good and the other as bad, for as we have seen above, He knows that they are all "bad", all sinners. No, after careful examination, the difference between the two groups is a repentant/broken heart, and a self-righteous prideful heart.
As parents, we know that our young child has broken our command, yet what makes it worse is when she tries to cover it up and act innocent, when you both know she is guilty. You cannot begin to train her until she admits her own need for correction. When she acknowledges you as parent, as authority.
It is the same between us and God. Psa 34:18 says. "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit." Ah, here we find the beginnings of hope for all of us in the "no, not one" category. God said that even the breaking of one of His commandments, no matter how small must be paid for in blood, more specifically with death. Rom 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So the penalty must be paid. And if we are all guilty, then we all have a debt owed.
Then the beauty of the whole thing comes to life. What if someone, completely righteous....well, but no...no one is righteous....except for God Himself! What if God Himself, came to Earth as man, lived a sinless life, and then willingly laid down His life as the penalty for my (our) sin? Then the eternal life mentioned in Romans 6:23 above, would truly be a gift from God, not something I could earn with my "moral scales" idea. He would, in effect, be offering me His righteousness as a gift to cover over and justify my own sins.
But wouldn't I have to admit I was wrong, to get to the place of accepting this gift? I mean, only those who realize they are sick, seek a cure, right? Those who think they are already such good people, might secretly think they are impressing God with all their goodness, much like the religious leaders of long ago. God, like the parent of the unruly child donning an innocent face, wants the heart, and not some outward facade of holiness.
So I had to reach the place of brokenness and need before I would seek the hope handed me through the gift of Jesus. He was gentle in leading me to this place of hope, and He showed me how to accept the gift: Rom 10:9 ..."that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
I would like to encourage you to stop viewing people as good or bad, and to see us all as sinners in need of redemption. Those who have found redemption are simply like the beggar hoping to show other beggars where the food is located.
I know I have breached the politics and religion faux pas of topical conversation, but how could I love you and not share the Truth.
Apparently, that is not how God set things up, at least according to the Bible. I had to be honest with myself. I fit into the "no, not one" and "all have sinned" category. In fact, I was all too aware of my shortcomings, my faults, my blatant disregard for the commandments of God. I could feel myself slipping down a steep incline, and I began to feel the panic of one who cannot save herself. I began to read the Bible in search of answers, in search of hope.
As you read the Gospels, you cannot help but examine Jesus' behavior with the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the scum of society, and contrast it with how He interacts with the religious leaders, and those who had a high, respected standing in the community. With the sinners, He is gentle as He teaches them about salvation and repentance, but with the religious leaders He is harsh, calling them to examine themselves more closely. What is it that Jesus is seeing in the two groups? What is it that He values most? It is not how high they were born, or their education, or even religious knowledge. He didn't see one group as good and the other as bad, for as we have seen above, He knows that they are all "bad", all sinners. No, after careful examination, the difference between the two groups is a repentant/broken heart, and a self-righteous prideful heart.
As parents, we know that our young child has broken our command, yet what makes it worse is when she tries to cover it up and act innocent, when you both know she is guilty. You cannot begin to train her until she admits her own need for correction. When she acknowledges you as parent, as authority.
It is the same between us and God. Psa 34:18 says. "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit." Ah, here we find the beginnings of hope for all of us in the "no, not one" category. God said that even the breaking of one of His commandments, no matter how small must be paid for in blood, more specifically with death. Rom 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So the penalty must be paid. And if we are all guilty, then we all have a debt owed.
Then the beauty of the whole thing comes to life. What if someone, completely righteous....well, but no...no one is righteous....except for God Himself! What if God Himself, came to Earth as man, lived a sinless life, and then willingly laid down His life as the penalty for my (our) sin? Then the eternal life mentioned in Romans 6:23 above, would truly be a gift from God, not something I could earn with my "moral scales" idea. He would, in effect, be offering me His righteousness as a gift to cover over and justify my own sins.
But wouldn't I have to admit I was wrong, to get to the place of accepting this gift? I mean, only those who realize they are sick, seek a cure, right? Those who think they are already such good people, might secretly think they are impressing God with all their goodness, much like the religious leaders of long ago. God, like the parent of the unruly child donning an innocent face, wants the heart, and not some outward facade of holiness.
So I had to reach the place of brokenness and need before I would seek the hope handed me through the gift of Jesus. He was gentle in leading me to this place of hope, and He showed me how to accept the gift: Rom 10:9 ..."that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
I would like to encourage you to stop viewing people as good or bad, and to see us all as sinners in need of redemption. Those who have found redemption are simply like the beggar hoping to show other beggars where the food is located.
I know I have breached the politics and religion faux pas of topical conversation, but how could I love you and not share the Truth.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Spoonfed Education
Ever wonder why our public education system in America has been on a steady decline since the 60's? What is it that seems to undermine every new idea and innovative policy passed down from Congress to stimulate the scores of our students? Well, there are several cracks in the foundation of our public education system, but it is my opinion that nothing will change until we take strides to transform our views about who is responsible to educate our future generations. No, I am NOT going to make a plug for homeschooling...this time. But, until we can pass the responsibility to learn from the teachers to the students, we will not see much in the way of educational reform.
I have watched the past ten years as the government passed down frantic new programs in hopes of stimulating learning through teacher incentives and consequences. Perhaps I missed it, but I haven't seen any successful progress. Instead, I see a bunch of pressured teachers who are so frightened of losing their jobs in this market that they are willing to lose their character and cheat on the scores for their students' standardized testing, like we have seen in our Atlanta city schools.
Until we make it clear that the responsibility to learn lies with the student and not the teacher, we will not see things change in our education system. We do a great disservice to our future generations by allowing them to think they did poorly in a subject because they had a lousy teacher. No doubt, a good teacher goes a long way to making learning fun and exciting, and even easy, but learning is not solely in the hands of those who teach. If a student believes she is in charge of her own education, then she in empowered to rise above the less-than-average teacher. She will seek outside help and information. She will become what our society sorely needs and almost always heralds, in the adult phase of life. She will become an INDEPENDENT LEARNER, a SELF-STARTER.
I'll never forget what a shock it was for me to go to England during my high school years. I was there for about two years, starting in the middle of my Freshmen year. Education is run differently in the U.K. than in the States. I had just come from Texas, where things were moving along just fine. I had straight A's my first semester. There was a rhythm to the six week sessions run in the Texas system. I had learned how to make that system work for me, but true learning and effort had not really been asked of me yet. No, that was not required of me until I left the States.
In England, I had entered in a trimester late in a two year learning situation. In those two years we kept the same teachers, classes, and subjects. At the end of the two years, we were to take written exams, two of them per course, and some exams lasting three to four hours in length. Right before the exams, we were given some time...I can hardly remember now, but I think it was six weeks, without classes to simply study for the exams...no teachers, just study time. Whatever we got on our exams, plus a portion of our yearly work would be our grades for the past two years. I was handed a syllabus at the beginning of class and I was expected to remember when things were due, without reminders. (Quite shocking for me, I can tell you.) I had to keep track of when our mock exams were coming, and I had to learn on my own, beyond the material handed to me, if I was going to pass and get credit for two years worth of learning. I had to get books, on my own, that would help me prepare for the exams. I had to organize my time, and hold down a part-time job at the same time. I say all this to show that we do not require enough from our students at an early enough age. It is not the teachers who gave me an education, although they guided me and helped me along the way, but ultimately they communicated that I was the responsible party to educate myself and prepare for my future independence.
Now, in this country, we do not ask that level commitment from our students until college. Perhaps we think they are too immature to take on that responsibility. But, often times, we create unprepared students who cannot handle the university situation. What do we create for our society when we allow students to believe that the teachers are responsible for our learning? What does a parent do for her child when she puts the blame on the teacher for her child's poor grades? (Certainly there are circumstances where a teacher was unfair, or graded with partiality, but even that teacher cannot prevent a child who is self-motivated from learning in spite of her grade.) We produce a generation who believes they are owed something. That their performance is in the hands of someone else. Later on if they don't perform well at work, well it transfers that they have a lousy boss, and the blame can be passed to him.
But we can do something for our next generation, despite the newest congressional push for reform in testing. We as parents and adults can encourage and show the way to our students. We can give our kids the tools to rise above their circumstances and take control of their education. Getting involved early-on can make all the difference. Don't let the school day be the end of learning. Find supplemental materials to play with and experiment with at home. Without a love and interest for learning, you will always be applying outside pressure to get a result, but when the student becomes infected with the love of learning, you won't be able to stop her. Go to museums, watch interesting educational shows...but most importantly, find out what interests your child and run with it.
Recently I sat down with my 7th grader and 5th grader, and I asked them to make a list of things they are interested in learning more about. The 7th grader's list was: "Drawing, Modern History, Animals and Bugs, Computer Programming, Legends of Varying Cultures, and Herbs. The 10 yr old's list was: "Ballet, How to Make a Computer, Computer Programing, The Way Stuff is Made, Books, Animals, and Research." America's kids want to learn more than movies, and video games, and pop music....if we let them.
My 7th grader loves the idea of survival living. She loves to research and find out what plants are edible, and she experiments with it. She has asked for an herbalist class/book/dvd set to help her in her study of Botany (call it what it is, and suddenly it is more than a kid just getting grubby in the mud). My 5th grader is fascinated with computers. I found a free program from M.I.T. that helps kids get the basic ideas down for computer programming. She, and her "botany" sister, have begun to invent and create their own video games, complete with original graphics and story line. Our children's play is their business, and their learning is never ceasing unless we tell them that they can only learn when being spoonfed.
I have watched the past ten years as the government passed down frantic new programs in hopes of stimulating learning through teacher incentives and consequences. Perhaps I missed it, but I haven't seen any successful progress. Instead, I see a bunch of pressured teachers who are so frightened of losing their jobs in this market that they are willing to lose their character and cheat on the scores for their students' standardized testing, like we have seen in our Atlanta city schools.
Until we make it clear that the responsibility to learn lies with the student and not the teacher, we will not see things change in our education system. We do a great disservice to our future generations by allowing them to think they did poorly in a subject because they had a lousy teacher. No doubt, a good teacher goes a long way to making learning fun and exciting, and even easy, but learning is not solely in the hands of those who teach. If a student believes she is in charge of her own education, then she in empowered to rise above the less-than-average teacher. She will seek outside help and information. She will become what our society sorely needs and almost always heralds, in the adult phase of life. She will become an INDEPENDENT LEARNER, a SELF-STARTER.
I'll never forget what a shock it was for me to go to England during my high school years. I was there for about two years, starting in the middle of my Freshmen year. Education is run differently in the U.K. than in the States. I had just come from Texas, where things were moving along just fine. I had straight A's my first semester. There was a rhythm to the six week sessions run in the Texas system. I had learned how to make that system work for me, but true learning and effort had not really been asked of me yet. No, that was not required of me until I left the States.
In England, I had entered in a trimester late in a two year learning situation. In those two years we kept the same teachers, classes, and subjects. At the end of the two years, we were to take written exams, two of them per course, and some exams lasting three to four hours in length. Right before the exams, we were given some time...I can hardly remember now, but I think it was six weeks, without classes to simply study for the exams...no teachers, just study time. Whatever we got on our exams, plus a portion of our yearly work would be our grades for the past two years. I was handed a syllabus at the beginning of class and I was expected to remember when things were due, without reminders. (Quite shocking for me, I can tell you.) I had to keep track of when our mock exams were coming, and I had to learn on my own, beyond the material handed to me, if I was going to pass and get credit for two years worth of learning. I had to get books, on my own, that would help me prepare for the exams. I had to organize my time, and hold down a part-time job at the same time. I say all this to show that we do not require enough from our students at an early enough age. It is not the teachers who gave me an education, although they guided me and helped me along the way, but ultimately they communicated that I was the responsible party to educate myself and prepare for my future independence.
Now, in this country, we do not ask that level commitment from our students until college. Perhaps we think they are too immature to take on that responsibility. But, often times, we create unprepared students who cannot handle the university situation. What do we create for our society when we allow students to believe that the teachers are responsible for our learning? What does a parent do for her child when she puts the blame on the teacher for her child's poor grades? (Certainly there are circumstances where a teacher was unfair, or graded with partiality, but even that teacher cannot prevent a child who is self-motivated from learning in spite of her grade.) We produce a generation who believes they are owed something. That their performance is in the hands of someone else. Later on if they don't perform well at work, well it transfers that they have a lousy boss, and the blame can be passed to him.
But we can do something for our next generation, despite the newest congressional push for reform in testing. We as parents and adults can encourage and show the way to our students. We can give our kids the tools to rise above their circumstances and take control of their education. Getting involved early-on can make all the difference. Don't let the school day be the end of learning. Find supplemental materials to play with and experiment with at home. Without a love and interest for learning, you will always be applying outside pressure to get a result, but when the student becomes infected with the love of learning, you won't be able to stop her. Go to museums, watch interesting educational shows...but most importantly, find out what interests your child and run with it.
Recently I sat down with my 7th grader and 5th grader, and I asked them to make a list of things they are interested in learning more about. The 7th grader's list was: "Drawing, Modern History, Animals and Bugs, Computer Programming, Legends of Varying Cultures, and Herbs. The 10 yr old's list was: "Ballet, How to Make a Computer, Computer Programing, The Way Stuff is Made, Books, Animals, and Research." America's kids want to learn more than movies, and video games, and pop music....if we let them.
My 7th grader loves the idea of survival living. She loves to research and find out what plants are edible, and she experiments with it. She has asked for an herbalist class/book/dvd set to help her in her study of Botany (call it what it is, and suddenly it is more than a kid just getting grubby in the mud). My 5th grader is fascinated with computers. I found a free program from M.I.T. that helps kids get the basic ideas down for computer programming. She, and her "botany" sister, have begun to invent and create their own video games, complete with original graphics and story line. Our children's play is their business, and their learning is never ceasing unless we tell them that they can only learn when being spoonfed.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Coming Out of a Fog
My husband and I just celebrated our thirteenth anniversary. While we were driving away to our hotel, we began to discuss all that has past so far. We realized that in that time I have been extremely busy laying the foundation for our five daughters. Many a day, week, or even month would pass without me truly digging into the Word of God in my quiet time. Sure I would listen to sermons, or read a quick devotional, or simply repeat one or two Bible verses in my head to keep me going, but I had become lax in studying and being still before God. I would go from morning to night attending to the needs of the many little ones in my care. Prayer while working, became my new mode of communication with God...or a least a last minute plea to restrain me from letting my flesh take control in a frustrating moment of training our daughters. How easy it is to heap guilt upon your heart when you let a discipline slide, much less a spiritual discipline. But in those "survival mode" years, I learned to lay my guilt at the feet of the Lord, and to bask in His grace that is constant, regardless of my performance.
We have truly been blessed to have the written Word of God at our fingertips, but for thousands of years those who walked with God did so without that luxury. Many a faithful follower today sit imprisoned for their faith, with no Bible to comfort them. It is possible to carry on a truthful and full relationship with God without daily Bible readings. Like I mentioned before, daily Bible study is a spiritual discipline, and not the actual relationship with God in and of itself. But the lack of consistently studying the Word takes its toll over time. It leaves us more subject to being lured by the world's thinking, or more easily led astray by false teaching. For myself, I become weak to resisting the call to gauge my life by my possessions or achievements. I become weak to the idea that I need "me" time...and eventually I try to pick up my life as my own, instead of living as one who has been bought at a price and who belongs to Another.
This summer has been like a lifting of the spiritual fog I have felt for the past couple of years. This is the second year that we have participated in the National Bible Bee as a family. What an incredible opportunity to memorize the Scriptures, and to teach your children how to study the Bible. In addition to the many Bible verses each age group memorizes, the families all study the same book of the Bible. This summer we are studying through the book of 1 Peter. They teach you how to do an inductive Bible study, reading over the whole book several times and studying the history, geography and author before taking a closer look, chapter by chapter and verse by verse (and looking up the original Greek in Strongs Concordance). So for those looking to teach their children in the spiritual disciplines of Bible study, prayer (they go through the whole A.C.T.S prayer model), and scripture memory, along with great ideas and prompts for applying the Word of God in your life and in your child's life, I can't recommend this summer challenge enough! It has been so helpful to have this program to help pass along the skills and disciplines I learned in college, and at the appropriate age level, too.
As my children mature, I am finding the time to sit still is returning to my life. The time to think, pause, pray and study is slowly creeping back into the daily schedule of things. I can see the foundation we have been laying with the girls is paying off for them, and us, as I work myself out of a job, with each girl growing in her ability to help around the house and to help with her younger sisters. I am thankful for those "survival mode" years, and I am glad that God is gracious.
The following passage of scripture describes the fog, and lifting of it in my heart:
Psa 119:25-50
"My soul clings to the dust; Revive me according to Your word.
I have declared my ways, and You answered me; Teach me Your statutes.
Make me understand the way of Your precepts; So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works.
My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to Your word.
Remove from me the way of lying, And grant me Your law graciously.
I have chosen the way of truth; Your judgments I have laid before me.
I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!
I will run the course of Your commandments, For You shall enlarge my heart.
Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, And I shall keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.
Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it.
Incline my heart to Your testimonies, And not to covetousness.
Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way.
Establish Your word to Your servant, Who is devoted to fearing You.
Turn away my reproach which I dread, For Your judgments are good.
Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me in Your righteousness.
Let Your mercies come also to me, O LORD— Your salvation according to Your word.
So shall I have an answer for him who reproaches me, For I trust in Your word.
And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth, For I have hoped in Your ordinances.
So shall I keep Your law continually, Forever and ever.
And I will walk at liberty, For I seek Your precepts.
I will speak of Your testimonies also before kings, And will not be ashamed.
And I will delight myself in Your commandments, Which I love.
My hands also I will lift up to Your commandments, Which I love, And I will meditate on Your statutes.
Remember the word to Your servant, Upon which You have caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction, For Your word has given me life."
We have truly been blessed to have the written Word of God at our fingertips, but for thousands of years those who walked with God did so without that luxury. Many a faithful follower today sit imprisoned for their faith, with no Bible to comfort them. It is possible to carry on a truthful and full relationship with God without daily Bible readings. Like I mentioned before, daily Bible study is a spiritual discipline, and not the actual relationship with God in and of itself. But the lack of consistently studying the Word takes its toll over time. It leaves us more subject to being lured by the world's thinking, or more easily led astray by false teaching. For myself, I become weak to resisting the call to gauge my life by my possessions or achievements. I become weak to the idea that I need "me" time...and eventually I try to pick up my life as my own, instead of living as one who has been bought at a price and who belongs to Another.
This summer has been like a lifting of the spiritual fog I have felt for the past couple of years. This is the second year that we have participated in the National Bible Bee as a family. What an incredible opportunity to memorize the Scriptures, and to teach your children how to study the Bible. In addition to the many Bible verses each age group memorizes, the families all study the same book of the Bible. This summer we are studying through the book of 1 Peter. They teach you how to do an inductive Bible study, reading over the whole book several times and studying the history, geography and author before taking a closer look, chapter by chapter and verse by verse (and looking up the original Greek in Strongs Concordance). So for those looking to teach their children in the spiritual disciplines of Bible study, prayer (they go through the whole A.C.T.S prayer model), and scripture memory, along with great ideas and prompts for applying the Word of God in your life and in your child's life, I can't recommend this summer challenge enough! It has been so helpful to have this program to help pass along the skills and disciplines I learned in college, and at the appropriate age level, too.
As my children mature, I am finding the time to sit still is returning to my life. The time to think, pause, pray and study is slowly creeping back into the daily schedule of things. I can see the foundation we have been laying with the girls is paying off for them, and us, as I work myself out of a job, with each girl growing in her ability to help around the house and to help with her younger sisters. I am thankful for those "survival mode" years, and I am glad that God is gracious.
The following passage of scripture describes the fog, and lifting of it in my heart:
Psa 119:25-50
"My soul clings to the dust; Revive me according to Your word.
I have declared my ways, and You answered me; Teach me Your statutes.
Make me understand the way of Your precepts; So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works.
My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to Your word.
Remove from me the way of lying, And grant me Your law graciously.
I have chosen the way of truth; Your judgments I have laid before me.
I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!
I will run the course of Your commandments, For You shall enlarge my heart.
Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, And I shall keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.
Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it.
Incline my heart to Your testimonies, And not to covetousness.
Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way.
Establish Your word to Your servant, Who is devoted to fearing You.
Turn away my reproach which I dread, For Your judgments are good.
Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me in Your righteousness.
Let Your mercies come also to me, O LORD— Your salvation according to Your word.
So shall I have an answer for him who reproaches me, For I trust in Your word.
And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth, For I have hoped in Your ordinances.
So shall I keep Your law continually, Forever and ever.
And I will walk at liberty, For I seek Your precepts.
I will speak of Your testimonies also before kings, And will not be ashamed.
And I will delight myself in Your commandments, Which I love.
My hands also I will lift up to Your commandments, Which I love, And I will meditate on Your statutes.
Remember the word to Your servant, Upon which You have caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction, For Your word has given me life."
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