Good Mom, Bad Mom

  Recently I heard that certain government boards were throwing around the idea of paying teachers according to their student's performance.  Seriously?  I wonder if  we applied that approach to the health profession if we could solve all our health care problems. If the doctor makes you well, then he gets paid.   Surely, there are certain professions where your performance gauges your pay, but it is usually related to your performance and not that of another.  Even an excellent teacher will get students who are determined not to learn.  Should their pay really be in the hand of hormonal adolescents?   The thought is ridiculous, and I hope that those in the world of politics will see how obviously wrong that idea is when played out in the classroom.
   Yet, how often do we gauge our performance by our children's behavior,  especially in public?  None of my children came ready-made examples of politeness and thoughtfulness.  I'm imagining that few of yours did either.  But here we are, after just a few attempts of teaching them how to act, feeling devastated as a mother when they act rudely, or when they fight with their sibling. (Not to mention how destructivie it is to compare ourselves with mothers whose children are farther along in their training than ours.)
  A mother recently told me how she felt like a bad mom because her children were fighting.  I hope you hear me when I say that your worth as a mother does not hinge on how your children behave at a given moment, but rather on how you react to their behavior.  Did you catch that?  Your child acting poorly does not mean you are a bad mother, but your response to her behavior is the guide to your performance.  Any time we wrap our self-worth into the performance of others, we are setting ourselves up for failure.  Your consistency and creativity in delivering the consequences for her actions is the true test of your mothering.  If your children are like mine, or like we were as children, then they will test those boundaries, and forget how to act, and let their emotions control their responses.  They are people in training, not performing monkeys to dazzle all your friends and relations. 
  To be consistent, and observant, kind, but firm, are the marks of a good parent.  And just like our children, we need the grace of God to fulfill our role daily.  It is exhausting, exhilarating, demanding, and rewarding...and completely unattainable without the proper perspective.