It's been a busy week in the Zwemke home. Planning for a birthday party, planning and practicing music for the Resurrection Sunday service, and of course planning and preparing food for all these events as well. My eyes are blurry from all the frantic commotion. I have been deep in task mode for more than 48 hours, and my heart feels the weight of it.
This evening, the evidence of a successful party is scattered all throughout the house, and the music for tomorrow is floating in the air. I had a cup of tea, and sang my songs, and now I am realizing that I have hardly taken more than 5 minutes to think and meditate on the glorious work Christ has done by paying the penalty of my great sin, and how He arose and sits victorious at the right hand of God, awaiting His perfect timing to return and claim His own.
Our tradition this time of year is to build a tomb of sorts, and place a doll, or something signifying Jesus, wrapped in a cloth inside, and then roll a "stone" in front of the tomb. In the morning, before going to the Resurrection Sunday service, we enact the women arriving at the tomb to find the stone rolled away and the tomb empty. We usually leave some Easter baskets with gifts for the girls inside the tomb, where there is a sign reading "He is Risen!" It's a wonderful tradition, and the girls truly look forward to it, but in all my busy-ness, I forgot to get presents...and there was no energy left to think about the tomb. I sat on the couch, begging the girls to let it go this year.
It is at moments like these that I am reminded that Mom doesn't have to do it all alone. Ryan and the girls busily worked to make a tomb, and by the judgment of the 8yro, "It's the best tomb, ever!" Then, I had to admit that I didn't get them any presents...only to find moments later, the 12yro stealing the baskets from my closet for "a surprise." I am looking forward to what she will do, and my heart is touched by her generosity, and care.
Grace...grace is what is needed in my heart tonight. I am sad, that I have grown weary with all the work to make times special. What I truly need is to stop, breathe, and meditate on the grace of Jesus, unbounded, and free. Grace that is greater than all my sin. I am thankful, that I have teammates, working with me to make memories for the younger ones. I desire for God to strengthen me tonight, so that tomorrow I will not just check off the rest of my to-do list, but will have the eyes to see past it, to the eternal, lasting things of God.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Ogres and Faries and Trolls, Oh My!
Roll up your sleeves and buckle your seat belt, we're going to embark on yet another controversial subject. Should Christians read fantasy literature, and how do we allow our children to develop their imaginations without delving into the world of witchcraft: which the Bible clearly states, has no place in the life of a Christ follower?
Let's start with some of the scriptures that define witchcraft and God's view of it. The main passage of interest is found in Deu 18:10-11 "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. ".
And in the Hebrew law we find, Lev 20:27 'A man or a woman who is a medium, or who has familiar spirits, shall surely be put to death; they shall stone them with stones. Their blood shall be upon them.' " Regardless of your feelings on the subject, it appears that God has stated His firmly. His people are not to participate in any such activity.
But then we come to fantasy literature....hmmm. So much of it deals with magical lands, creatures, and the like. Many parents have a healthy caution when it comes to what they allow their children to watch and read, and I would commend that feeling. It is true that God has placed us in the position of protecting and guiding our young ones, which includes the guarding and training of their minds, spirits, hearts, bodies, and character. Every family must be careful of what they choose to allow their children to view and read, and it will look different for each as they follow God's leading. For us, being a homeschooling family, we place a great value on the power of literature to form the patterns of thought and learning in our children, and we happen to love fantasy literature.
We love the creative worlds and courageous adventures found in many of the stories we read. In C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia, we find a beautiful allegory to the Gospel and the Christian's sanctification. In the J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, we find friendship, loyalty, courage, and the weak and frail overcoming the strong and evil. Some of these books have magic in them, and mythical creatures, such as elves, and fairies, etc. Even in Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress we find giants and other such fantastic creatures.
For us, the presence of magic or fantasy creatures is not the main criteria we use when deciding which stories to read. It has more to do with how those items are presented. For example, we do not choose to read fantasy literature that encourages the reader to find the magic within themselves, or to seek spiritual guides, or that present the magic in such a way as to suggest that it is available to those who would seek it in this world. We feel that this type of presentation would trespass the above scriptures by encouraging its readers to seek after and participate in sorcery, etc.
But if we were to rule out anything that mentions witchcraft or shows others participating in them, we would have to rule out the Bible itself. Sunday School quiz time....Which King of Israel sought the advice of a medium? That's right, the very first...Saul...found here: 1Sa 28:7 "Then Saul said to his servants, 'Find me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her.' And his servants said to him, 'In fact, there is a woman who is a medium at En Dor'.''
(Don't you just love the town's name "En Dor"? Sounds like it came straight out of a sci-fi book.)
And the end of his story is recorded for us...1Ch 10:13 "So Saul died for his unfaithfulness which he had committed against the LORD, because he did not keep the word of the LORD, and also because he consulted a medium for guidance." This is not the only time these things are mentioned in the Bible, yet the Bible does not condone these activities, even though it records them.
Fantasy literature is a removed world from our own, and in that setting one is sometimes more open to learning issues of character than in literature that relates so closely to our own experiences. Richard Scarry, the famous children book author once noted that he chose to use talking animals as his main characters because he found that children could identify with the lessons to be learned more readily than when the characters were humans. We have found that fantasy literature allows us to do the same with our children.
So when you are deciding what to allow your children to read, ask yourself if this story encourages the reader to seek after witchcraft, or whether it mentions magic as some happenings in the story? Is magic the main thrust of the story, or just one component of it? Is there a deeper more valuable message to be found in the story, beyond the creatures and magic? Are the creatures, such as fairies simply doing what they were created to do in their world? Or is the author attempting to make you believe that such things are to be sought in this world? There is a difference, and you will have to seek God in guiding you as to what would instill a love and reverence for Him in whatever you read, whether full of fantastical creatures or not.
(On a side note, some have voiced uncertainty toward the Disney Fairies, etc. I cannot tell you what you should do for your own family, but I will tell you what we have done in ours. We have no problem with these fairies (although we wish some were more modestly dressed at times), as we see them doing the tasks that they were created to do in their world. We don't mind our girls painting pictures of them, etc, but we do not allow them to think that these fairies truly exist or make our seasons change. They belong in the category of pretend...and we have found many useful character lessons come out of the land of pretend to find root in our world quite nicely.)
Let's start with some of the scriptures that define witchcraft and God's view of it. The main passage of interest is found in Deu 18:10-11 "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. ".
And in the Hebrew law we find, Lev 20:27 'A man or a woman who is a medium, or who has familiar spirits, shall surely be put to death; they shall stone them with stones. Their blood shall be upon them.' " Regardless of your feelings on the subject, it appears that God has stated His firmly. His people are not to participate in any such activity.
But then we come to fantasy literature....hmmm. So much of it deals with magical lands, creatures, and the like. Many parents have a healthy caution when it comes to what they allow their children to watch and read, and I would commend that feeling. It is true that God has placed us in the position of protecting and guiding our young ones, which includes the guarding and training of their minds, spirits, hearts, bodies, and character. Every family must be careful of what they choose to allow their children to view and read, and it will look different for each as they follow God's leading. For us, being a homeschooling family, we place a great value on the power of literature to form the patterns of thought and learning in our children, and we happen to love fantasy literature.
We love the creative worlds and courageous adventures found in many of the stories we read. In C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia, we find a beautiful allegory to the Gospel and the Christian's sanctification. In the J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, we find friendship, loyalty, courage, and the weak and frail overcoming the strong and evil. Some of these books have magic in them, and mythical creatures, such as elves, and fairies, etc. Even in Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress we find giants and other such fantastic creatures.
For us, the presence of magic or fantasy creatures is not the main criteria we use when deciding which stories to read. It has more to do with how those items are presented. For example, we do not choose to read fantasy literature that encourages the reader to find the magic within themselves, or to seek spiritual guides, or that present the magic in such a way as to suggest that it is available to those who would seek it in this world. We feel that this type of presentation would trespass the above scriptures by encouraging its readers to seek after and participate in sorcery, etc.
But if we were to rule out anything that mentions witchcraft or shows others participating in them, we would have to rule out the Bible itself. Sunday School quiz time....Which King of Israel sought the advice of a medium? That's right, the very first...Saul...found here: 1Sa 28:7 "Then Saul said to his servants, 'Find me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her.' And his servants said to him, 'In fact, there is a woman who is a medium at En Dor'.''
(Don't you just love the town's name "En Dor"? Sounds like it came straight out of a sci-fi book.)
And the end of his story is recorded for us...1Ch 10:13 "So Saul died for his unfaithfulness which he had committed against the LORD, because he did not keep the word of the LORD, and also because he consulted a medium for guidance." This is not the only time these things are mentioned in the Bible, yet the Bible does not condone these activities, even though it records them.
Fantasy literature is a removed world from our own, and in that setting one is sometimes more open to learning issues of character than in literature that relates so closely to our own experiences. Richard Scarry, the famous children book author once noted that he chose to use talking animals as his main characters because he found that children could identify with the lessons to be learned more readily than when the characters were humans. We have found that fantasy literature allows us to do the same with our children.
So when you are deciding what to allow your children to read, ask yourself if this story encourages the reader to seek after witchcraft, or whether it mentions magic as some happenings in the story? Is magic the main thrust of the story, or just one component of it? Is there a deeper more valuable message to be found in the story, beyond the creatures and magic? Are the creatures, such as fairies simply doing what they were created to do in their world? Or is the author attempting to make you believe that such things are to be sought in this world? There is a difference, and you will have to seek God in guiding you as to what would instill a love and reverence for Him in whatever you read, whether full of fantastical creatures or not.
(On a side note, some have voiced uncertainty toward the Disney Fairies, etc. I cannot tell you what you should do for your own family, but I will tell you what we have done in ours. We have no problem with these fairies (although we wish some were more modestly dressed at times), as we see them doing the tasks that they were created to do in their world. We don't mind our girls painting pictures of them, etc, but we do not allow them to think that these fairies truly exist or make our seasons change. They belong in the category of pretend...and we have found many useful character lessons come out of the land of pretend to find root in our world quite nicely.)
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Picky Eater Strikes Again
A difficult lesson was dealt to our three year old last night. She decided she wasn't so fond of the dinner on her plate before her, so she chose to spend her time in a more palatable way, by making the rest of the family laugh. Unfortunately for her, that choice landed her a prime seat at the table all by her lonesome once everyone had cleared away their dishes. This might not have been so terrible a punishment had it not been for the puppet show her two older sisters were putting on for the family right after dinner. The girls had really made it a first-class affair with posters around the house to advertise the evening's performance. Not only that, but they were charging admission, and offering snacks during the intermissions (there were two). Needless to say, there was a buzz of excitement among the other three siblings in anticipation for the evening's activity.
But, not for the three year old. Although warned several times that she would not be able to go to the show without finishing her food, she still stalled and, I suspect, secretly hoped she would be given a special grace to attend the show and THEN finish her food. It was hard to see her fall into desperate tears as we watched all three sections of the show without her. At each intermission we encouraged her to finish quickly so that she could come see the next act. She would rally and tell us how she was going to finish, but wouldn't put that excitement into action and was truly crestfallen when she realized she missed the whole thing...and by just a few bites, too.
Several times we had to explain to her that she had chosen her fate that night. By refusing to eat in a timely manner, she alone was responsible for her choice to miss out on the puppet show. Such a hard lesson, but one that we hope will stick with her and motivate her to action in the future.
We have had a few picky eaters in the family, and have found that all our kids went through various stages of picky-ness at different ages. The standard Zwemke policy is: "If you do not eat this food tonight, then you will see it again in the morning"...and so forth, until the child decides it is a good idea to eat the food. (a very few times this has lasted almost a 24 hour period...we do give them a glass of milk or so, but that's it...it's never gone past that.) Sometimes I heat the food up again, but if I am busy, I don't.
We do recognize that people all have a few foods that they REALLY dislike. Honestly, Ryan and I have a few things we don't eat as well. So I do give some allowances for having a particular distaste for an item. We generally ask them to take one or two "no-thank-you" bites of something new that they may not take to at first. But if it is a down right refusal, accompanied with complaints about the meal, showing a great amount of ungratefulness, it comes down to the "this is the next thing you are going to eat, and nothing else until you do" policy.
Sounds tough, but there is no way I am opening up a private restaurant to serve each person an individualized meal every time we eat. It's unrealistic, and it doesn't prepare our children to show kindness and respect when we are visiting at another family's home and they are served something that they do not care for. It is an important social grace to know how to show gratefulness for a meal, even if it is not your favorite. And these social graces and strengths of character, are practiced and learned at home.
But, not for the three year old. Although warned several times that she would not be able to go to the show without finishing her food, she still stalled and, I suspect, secretly hoped she would be given a special grace to attend the show and THEN finish her food. It was hard to see her fall into desperate tears as we watched all three sections of the show without her. At each intermission we encouraged her to finish quickly so that she could come see the next act. She would rally and tell us how she was going to finish, but wouldn't put that excitement into action and was truly crestfallen when she realized she missed the whole thing...and by just a few bites, too.
Several times we had to explain to her that she had chosen her fate that night. By refusing to eat in a timely manner, she alone was responsible for her choice to miss out on the puppet show. Such a hard lesson, but one that we hope will stick with her and motivate her to action in the future.
We have had a few picky eaters in the family, and have found that all our kids went through various stages of picky-ness at different ages. The standard Zwemke policy is: "If you do not eat this food tonight, then you will see it again in the morning"...and so forth, until the child decides it is a good idea to eat the food. (a very few times this has lasted almost a 24 hour period...we do give them a glass of milk or so, but that's it...it's never gone past that.) Sometimes I heat the food up again, but if I am busy, I don't.
We do recognize that people all have a few foods that they REALLY dislike. Honestly, Ryan and I have a few things we don't eat as well. So I do give some allowances for having a particular distaste for an item. We generally ask them to take one or two "no-thank-you" bites of something new that they may not take to at first. But if it is a down right refusal, accompanied with complaints about the meal, showing a great amount of ungratefulness, it comes down to the "this is the next thing you are going to eat, and nothing else until you do" policy.
Sounds tough, but there is no way I am opening up a private restaurant to serve each person an individualized meal every time we eat. It's unrealistic, and it doesn't prepare our children to show kindness and respect when we are visiting at another family's home and they are served something that they do not care for. It is an important social grace to know how to show gratefulness for a meal, even if it is not your favorite. And these social graces and strengths of character, are practiced and learned at home.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Dwell on Truth
Ever made up your mind about someone so clearly that you interpret all their actions through your pre-conceived notion of who they are? If you decide that person is selfish, then even when he tries to be nice, you interpret his actions as self-serving. He can't win, regardless of what he does, unless you are transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Sometimes we do this with our children. We label them. i.e. "Johnny is a strong-willed child, therefore when Johnny is disobeying he is just expressing his strong willed nature, not truly defying authority. And I need to let him express himself, or he will become more difficult." If we allow Johnny to be labeled, then he is no longer required to live up to the standards that normal children are held to. And once Johnny knows that, I guarantee he will live up to your every expectation. Sometimes we need to renew our mind with the truth. Johnny has a sin nature, and will take every opportunity he can to serve himself, unless he is trained to do otherwise; to look out for the needs of others before his own. He will not naturally bend in that direction, but like a young shoot, he will need to be trained in the way he should grow. And the consistency of his trainer will make all the difference. If his trainer believes that Johnny can be just as obedient and respectful as any other child, without labeling him, then Johnny will most likely live up to those expectations.
We not only do this with our children, but we women do this to ourselves as well. We choose to dwell on our emotions rather than the truth of God's Word as the guide to our world view. We don't always feel lovable, so therefore God and others probably don't love us, nor do we deserve their love. Maybe we think that our circumstances show God's love for us. If things are going well, we are blessed and loved, if things are hard, we are cursed and abandoned by God. Nothing could be farther than the truth God reveals to us in scripture. We must be transformed by the renewing of our mind.
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
—EPHESIANS 3:17-19
Nowhere in the above passage does it describe your performance as the mandate to God's love for you. In fact, if truth be known, if you are His, and trust him alone for your salvation, He promises:
"The Lord your God is with you...he will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
—ZEPHANIAH 3:17
Now that is truth, and it is how God views those who are His. And, we will only feel that truth when we choose to believe it and view God's actions in our life through that truth. So how do we become transformed by the renewing of our mind? When we begin to realize we are believing a lie, we need to stop that thought, and replace it with the combating Truth from the scriptures. If we make a habit of replacing lies with Truth, then in time, the emotions will follow the shifting of our minds.
Every relationship in our life is greatly effected by the world view we have toward it. If we make a habit of dwelling on truth, we allow people the room they need to change and better themselves...and we allow ourselves the grace we need to grow in love as well.
Sometimes we do this with our children. We label them. i.e. "Johnny is a strong-willed child, therefore when Johnny is disobeying he is just expressing his strong willed nature, not truly defying authority. And I need to let him express himself, or he will become more difficult." If we allow Johnny to be labeled, then he is no longer required to live up to the standards that normal children are held to. And once Johnny knows that, I guarantee he will live up to your every expectation. Sometimes we need to renew our mind with the truth. Johnny has a sin nature, and will take every opportunity he can to serve himself, unless he is trained to do otherwise; to look out for the needs of others before his own. He will not naturally bend in that direction, but like a young shoot, he will need to be trained in the way he should grow. And the consistency of his trainer will make all the difference. If his trainer believes that Johnny can be just as obedient and respectful as any other child, without labeling him, then Johnny will most likely live up to those expectations.
We not only do this with our children, but we women do this to ourselves as well. We choose to dwell on our emotions rather than the truth of God's Word as the guide to our world view. We don't always feel lovable, so therefore God and others probably don't love us, nor do we deserve their love. Maybe we think that our circumstances show God's love for us. If things are going well, we are blessed and loved, if things are hard, we are cursed and abandoned by God. Nothing could be farther than the truth God reveals to us in scripture. We must be transformed by the renewing of our mind.
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
—EPHESIANS 3:17-19
Nowhere in the above passage does it describe your performance as the mandate to God's love for you. In fact, if truth be known, if you are His, and trust him alone for your salvation, He promises:
"The Lord your God is with you...he will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
—ZEPHANIAH 3:17
Now that is truth, and it is how God views those who are His. And, we will only feel that truth when we choose to believe it and view God's actions in our life through that truth. So how do we become transformed by the renewing of our mind? When we begin to realize we are believing a lie, we need to stop that thought, and replace it with the combating Truth from the scriptures. If we make a habit of replacing lies with Truth, then in time, the emotions will follow the shifting of our minds.
Every relationship in our life is greatly effected by the world view we have toward it. If we make a habit of dwelling on truth, we allow people the room they need to change and better themselves...and we allow ourselves the grace we need to grow in love as well.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
"That's Nice, But I Want to do Something More With My Life"
Let me begin by stating that I find no scriptures in the Bible that forbid a woman from working outside the home or being involved in business altogether. That being said, what I do find is in Titus 2:3-5 where Paul exhorts the older women to teach "young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."
I could blog on each of these exhortations, and may just do that very thing, but today I would like to focus on the "homemaker" portion of this scripture. John MacAruthur expounds on this point nicely:
"... wives are to be workers at home. One of the hardest things for many contemporary wives to do is be satisfied with being a homemaker. Part of the reason is that modern appliances and other conveniences greatly simplify and reduce housework, and time that is not used for something constructive inevitably produces boredom, dissatisfaction, and often increased temptations. Women who have no children or whose children are grown obviously have fewer obligations in the home and therefore much more time available, and the point is not so much that a woman's place is in the home as that her responsibility is for the home. She may have a reasonable outside job or choose to work in the church or to minister in a Christian organization, a hospital, a school, or many other ways. But the home is a wife's special domain and always should be her highest priority. That is where she is able to offer the most encouragement and support to her husband and is the best place for extending hospitality to Christian friends, to unbelieving neighbors, and to visiting missionaries or other Christian workers."
I particularly like the underlined section above. The whole point is that God designed the wife's role to be one of running and overseeing the needs of her home, husband, and children, if they have them. That is to be her top priority and focus of her heart. The decision to take on work outside of the home is a personal one that each couple must seek God's guidance to carefully make.
In our family, I find that keeping the home is more than a full time job and requires all of my creative, mental, and physical capabilities to be at all successful. It would be impossible for me to do what I do, AND hold down a job outside of the home. Such decisions come with sacrifices, and the biggest one we undertake is financial in nature. However, although it is tight at times, and we don't have quite as much freedom as some other families, we have a family that is close, and children who lack for nothing important. This is the path we felt God was calling us to pursue, and we have found Him faithful to provide our every need to accomplish this task so far.
This soap-box presentation is brought to you because of an encounter my husband had at his school the other day. He overheard a girl saying, "Yeah, I love my mom, but I want to do something more with my life." I do not begrudge a girl from pursuing any dream she feels called to follow, but what grieves my heart is the idea that mothers who stay at home are not using all their talents or achieving their full potential. Such a passive comment betrays the growing dishonor our society has for stay-at-home-moms, and our families suffer for it.
In homeschooling our daughters, I have stumbled across a new personal heroine, Abigail Adams. For those of you unfamiliar with her, she was a stay-at-home-mother to four children. She protected her family in the midst of a war being fought all around her home, and braved a small pox epidemic, all while running the family farm in her husband's long absence. Where was her husband? Well,he was helping the thirteen colonies take the crucial step in transforming from British states to becoming a cohesive republic. His name was John Adams, second president of the United States. Not only was this self-educated, brilliant minded young wife her husband's sounding board for the direction of our young country, she was also carefully attending to the needs of her children, one of whom became our nation's 6th president. (John Quincy Adams). It grieves me that Abigail didn't have the opportunity to make something of her life. (smirk)
Abigail is my kind of feminist. She wrote to her husband to "remember the ladies" when he and Thomas Jefferson, along with Benjamin Franklin were making the laws for our newly formed government. She desired for women to have the right to be educated, acknowledging that all of society would benefit from having highly skilled homemakers and mothers. She pressed for woman to have the right to vote, own property, and have legal re-course against an abusive husband. But, Abigail felt strongly that the wife's role and influence was most powerfully played out in the sphere of the home. I'm sure that she did not feel un-fulfilled and useless to society. Quite the contrary, as her preserved personal letters, and her place in history attest.
I hope that as the older women teach the younger ones, as the above scripture commands, that they will honor the role of the stay-at-home mom. I hope that they don't boil that role down to a glorified housekeeper. Instead, let them allow young women to feel fulfilled, without added pressure to carry on a personal career, so that those who feel called to stay at home will have the support of their fellow women.
The shaping of the next generation falls heavily upon mothers' shoulders, and it is a position to be honored and respected all on its own.
I could blog on each of these exhortations, and may just do that very thing, but today I would like to focus on the "homemaker" portion of this scripture. John MacAruthur expounds on this point nicely:
"... wives are to be workers at home. One of the hardest things for many contemporary wives to do is be satisfied with being a homemaker. Part of the reason is that modern appliances and other conveniences greatly simplify and reduce housework, and time that is not used for something constructive inevitably produces boredom, dissatisfaction, and often increased temptations. Women who have no children or whose children are grown obviously have fewer obligations in the home and therefore much more time available, and the point is not so much that a woman's place is in the home as that her responsibility is for the home. She may have a reasonable outside job or choose to work in the church or to minister in a Christian organization, a hospital, a school, or many other ways. But the home is a wife's special domain and always should be her highest priority. That is where she is able to offer the most encouragement and support to her husband and is the best place for extending hospitality to Christian friends, to unbelieving neighbors, and to visiting missionaries or other Christian workers."
I particularly like the underlined section above. The whole point is that God designed the wife's role to be one of running and overseeing the needs of her home, husband, and children, if they have them. That is to be her top priority and focus of her heart. The decision to take on work outside of the home is a personal one that each couple must seek God's guidance to carefully make.
In our family, I find that keeping the home is more than a full time job and requires all of my creative, mental, and physical capabilities to be at all successful. It would be impossible for me to do what I do, AND hold down a job outside of the home. Such decisions come with sacrifices, and the biggest one we undertake is financial in nature. However, although it is tight at times, and we don't have quite as much freedom as some other families, we have a family that is close, and children who lack for nothing important. This is the path we felt God was calling us to pursue, and we have found Him faithful to provide our every need to accomplish this task so far.
This soap-box presentation is brought to you because of an encounter my husband had at his school the other day. He overheard a girl saying, "Yeah, I love my mom, but I want to do something more with my life." I do not begrudge a girl from pursuing any dream she feels called to follow, but what grieves my heart is the idea that mothers who stay at home are not using all their talents or achieving their full potential. Such a passive comment betrays the growing dishonor our society has for stay-at-home-moms, and our families suffer for it.
In homeschooling our daughters, I have stumbled across a new personal heroine, Abigail Adams. For those of you unfamiliar with her, she was a stay-at-home-mother to four children. She protected her family in the midst of a war being fought all around her home, and braved a small pox epidemic, all while running the family farm in her husband's long absence. Where was her husband? Well,he was helping the thirteen colonies take the crucial step in transforming from British states to becoming a cohesive republic. His name was John Adams, second president of the United States. Not only was this self-educated, brilliant minded young wife her husband's sounding board for the direction of our young country, she was also carefully attending to the needs of her children, one of whom became our nation's 6th president. (John Quincy Adams). It grieves me that Abigail didn't have the opportunity to make something of her life. (smirk)
Abigail is my kind of feminist. She wrote to her husband to "remember the ladies" when he and Thomas Jefferson, along with Benjamin Franklin were making the laws for our newly formed government. She desired for women to have the right to be educated, acknowledging that all of society would benefit from having highly skilled homemakers and mothers. She pressed for woman to have the right to vote, own property, and have legal re-course against an abusive husband. But, Abigail felt strongly that the wife's role and influence was most powerfully played out in the sphere of the home. I'm sure that she did not feel un-fulfilled and useless to society. Quite the contrary, as her preserved personal letters, and her place in history attest.
I hope that as the older women teach the younger ones, as the above scripture commands, that they will honor the role of the stay-at-home mom. I hope that they don't boil that role down to a glorified housekeeper. Instead, let them allow young women to feel fulfilled, without added pressure to carry on a personal career, so that those who feel called to stay at home will have the support of their fellow women.
The shaping of the next generation falls heavily upon mothers' shoulders, and it is a position to be honored and respected all on its own.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Dishwashers and Other Famous Battlegrounds
While unloading the bottomless dishwasher, that in our home hardly has time to stop and catch its breath, I had a moment of self-honesty this weekend. We have teams assigned to take turns unloading the dishwasher, but being true children, they seldom notice when it needs to be unloaded without help. So here I was doing someone's chore, assigned to them to help lighten my load, instead of telling them to do their chore. WHY? What motivates me to quietly do the chore, rather than ask those who are responsible to do it? I realized that I hate to tell them, more than I hate to be overtaxed. I fear becoming a nag. Nagging has to be one of the most unbecoming feminine qualities to me. So, to avoid nagging, or what I perceive to be nagging, I not only allow myself to become burdened, but I neglect my daughter's training in household chores.
All this played through my mind while I continued to empty the beast of all the clean silverware and cooking utensils. I began to think about the true goal in my training the girls to run a home. Did I really want them to just be able to click of things on a list, or did I want them to open their eyes and begin to take notice of what needed to be done, and to meet that need. Who doesn't want that kind of player on their team, right? But how do you TRAIN someone to take the initiative to help? That is the hard part. Then an idea came to mind and I called the family together to make the announcement.
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye...I have discovered that I hate to ask you to do your chores, so much so that I fail you by doing them for you. It helps me greatly to know that you are taking charge of your area by seeing that it needs to be done, and doing it. So, if you see a need, like unloading the dishwasher, and you know it is your team's turn to unload, come and ask me if the dishwasher is clean, and if it is, go to it. Then I will give extra Wii time to any team that takes that extra initiative." The idea sounded grand, and exciting, and I was proud for speaking my needs more clearly. However, it is Tuesday, and I have yet to see one team be so motivated as to take me up on my offer given to them on Saturday. Hmm, maybe not so brilliant an idea after all.
Regardless, I do want to make it a goal to encourage and reward initiative in my children's training. Any suggestions as to how to accomplish this task? I am all ears!
All this played through my mind while I continued to empty the beast of all the clean silverware and cooking utensils. I began to think about the true goal in my training the girls to run a home. Did I really want them to just be able to click of things on a list, or did I want them to open their eyes and begin to take notice of what needed to be done, and to meet that need. Who doesn't want that kind of player on their team, right? But how do you TRAIN someone to take the initiative to help? That is the hard part. Then an idea came to mind and I called the family together to make the announcement.
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye...I have discovered that I hate to ask you to do your chores, so much so that I fail you by doing them for you. It helps me greatly to know that you are taking charge of your area by seeing that it needs to be done, and doing it. So, if you see a need, like unloading the dishwasher, and you know it is your team's turn to unload, come and ask me if the dishwasher is clean, and if it is, go to it. Then I will give extra Wii time to any team that takes that extra initiative." The idea sounded grand, and exciting, and I was proud for speaking my needs more clearly. However, it is Tuesday, and I have yet to see one team be so motivated as to take me up on my offer given to them on Saturday. Hmm, maybe not so brilliant an idea after all.
Regardless, I do want to make it a goal to encourage and reward initiative in my children's training. Any suggestions as to how to accomplish this task? I am all ears!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Pitfall of Comparison
Her house looks perfect all the time, her children are clean, cute, and polite, and she always looks put-together and cool as a cucumber. Isn't that one of the verses found in the passage about the Proverbs 31 woman? Hardly! But, it seems as though we all think we know a woman or two like this. I assure you that she is fictitious. We do not know what her bad days are like, or how she responds when her children ruin their new clothes AGAIN. Ever think that she, like you, cleans her house before someone comes over? Oh, and have you seen her pain and inner struggles, or do you assume she hasn't any because she chooses not to complain all the time?
You have a skewed view of your perfect friend, because you have seen her through the eyes of comparison. I will tell you now, comparison has two daughters, Pride and Envy. When you see your friend, and you compare her child training, house, appearance, etc to your own, you will end up entertaining one of these two daughters. We are well acquainted with the pitfalls of Pride, but let us for today consider Envy.
I have a friend who I tend to put up on a pedestal, especially when it come to cooking healthy foods for her family. I am grateful for her friendship because she has taught me so much in areas that I know so little. I would see her AMAZING cakes that she would make for her children's birthdays. I tried to make my made-from-scratch-healthy cakes come out with the same finished look that hers came out with, but I was a far cry from it. I was in awe of her, and envious. Then one day our family happened to visit hers right after one of her children's birthdays. There was left over cake, and she offered some to us. I started talking with her about my cake envy and how creative she was. I asked her how she got her cakes to be so fluffy when she used the heavier healthy ingredients. She looked blank for a moment, and said, "It's a box cake, and I bought the icing." I could hear the veil being torn from top to bottom. She stood before me a real woman. I laughed and laughed that I had entertained Envy for so long, without any truth to support it.
Perhaps you have a friend who makes "boxed cake" too? Either way the truth is that you are being untruthful with yourself and unfair to your friend by not allowing her to be real, and to need help with the issues she has in her life. Maybe it is a sign that you just need to get to know her better. Perhaps you can take her out to lunch or tea and listen. Seek to be her friend with eyes that truly see. You may have been blind to her hurts and struggles because you were too busy seeing her only through the eyes of comparison. It is my experience that many of these "perfect" ladies feel a little isolated because they need to have others show a great deal of interest before they open their struggles up for discussion. So, take your focus off yourself. Then, Love and Service can come into your heart, leaving no room for Envy.
You have a skewed view of your perfect friend, because you have seen her through the eyes of comparison. I will tell you now, comparison has two daughters, Pride and Envy. When you see your friend, and you compare her child training, house, appearance, etc to your own, you will end up entertaining one of these two daughters. We are well acquainted with the pitfalls of Pride, but let us for today consider Envy.
I have a friend who I tend to put up on a pedestal, especially when it come to cooking healthy foods for her family. I am grateful for her friendship because she has taught me so much in areas that I know so little. I would see her AMAZING cakes that she would make for her children's birthdays. I tried to make my made-from-scratch-healthy cakes come out with the same finished look that hers came out with, but I was a far cry from it. I was in awe of her, and envious. Then one day our family happened to visit hers right after one of her children's birthdays. There was left over cake, and she offered some to us. I started talking with her about my cake envy and how creative she was. I asked her how she got her cakes to be so fluffy when she used the heavier healthy ingredients. She looked blank for a moment, and said, "It's a box cake, and I bought the icing." I could hear the veil being torn from top to bottom. She stood before me a real woman. I laughed and laughed that I had entertained Envy for so long, without any truth to support it.
Perhaps you have a friend who makes "boxed cake" too? Either way the truth is that you are being untruthful with yourself and unfair to your friend by not allowing her to be real, and to need help with the issues she has in her life. Maybe it is a sign that you just need to get to know her better. Perhaps you can take her out to lunch or tea and listen. Seek to be her friend with eyes that truly see. You may have been blind to her hurts and struggles because you were too busy seeing her only through the eyes of comparison. It is my experience that many of these "perfect" ladies feel a little isolated because they need to have others show a great deal of interest before they open their struggles up for discussion. So, take your focus off yourself. Then, Love and Service can come into your heart, leaving no room for Envy.
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