Horse Training, Preparing for Parenthood

I  know that the majority of my readers are friends from all the many lives I have led.  Most of you are aware that I spent my growing years, riding, training, breeding, and showing horses.  If you had asked me, as a child, what my life dream consisted of, horses was somehow a part of it.  But, here I am, a good 20 years into my adult life, and horses are a just a fond memory.  Yet, they gave me something invaluable in the life I lead now.

I noted in my last post, that I seldom know the "why" behind God's ways, but in His mercy, I believe this time he has given me a glimpse into the purpose of my extensive horse training in my young years.  You see, I didn't grow up in a household of faith. In fact, I didn't become a follower of Christ until I was 17, but that is a post for another day.

I grew up in a divorced family.  They were faithful, caring providers and I am grateful for them, but I grew up desiring a whole family.  I heard in a child psychology class in college that we often repeat what we learn from our parents, but that occasionally there is one who can break the chain and forge a new path.  I wanted desperately to be that one to break the divorce chain in my family.  I began to pray that God would help me to do just that. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, and having been raised by two business women, (my mother, and step-mother) I somehow missed the home-life lessons that I would need to run a house and raise children. (Not that one couldn't learn those things from a business woman, but it wasn't my experience) I felt completely inadequate for the task ahead of me.  I mean, come on, I had spent all my time in the barn.  And although cleaning diapers is a cinch compared to mucking out stables, I had a long way to go.

So, I began to research. Shocking, I know.  :)  I took on a summer job as a live-in nanny to gain experience with running a household, and raising children.  While I was working there, I stumbled across another book by Elisabeth  Elliot about her family and how her parents shaped it after the teachings of Christ.  I was a dry sponge soaking up the wisdom she shared.  I came across a passage where Elisabeth described a conversation with a horse training friend of hers.  Her friend began to share how the training of horses directly related to the training of young children, and how God had prepared her for her life as a mother through her experience with horses.  I put down the book and cried tears of joy.  Just then, I could see how God had been preparing me for the work He would give me.  My parents were His perfect choice for me, and so were the horses.  Not for my glory, but for His.

Jump a few years down the road to motherhood, and I began to see exactly what Elisabeth's horse-training friend meant.  When your children are quite young, they can not reason with you, much like a horse.  You can not explain to a 6 month old, why she should not touch the the candle, or glass object on your friend's coffee table, but you CAN train her to pull back her hand at the command, "No Touch".  You can train your young child to stop on command...comes in mighty handy when they are about to run out in a parking lot.  If you have practiced at home over and over, they stop at the command, before they realize they are doing it.  And anyone who has trained a galloping1000 lb horse to dig in his haunches and slide to stand still at the shifting of your weight with a quick and quiet voice command, can tell you that a non-speaking toddler can be trained to sit quietly in your lap for a 15min-1 hour period. (note: must build up the time slowly)

When I see children running all over the library screaming and throwing fits, with a tired mother picking up their shedding clothing as she tries to catch up with them, I am NOT thinking, "She's a lousy mother." or "Boy, she can't get her act together."  What typically passes through my mind is a sadness that many don't know what their children are capable of doing.  I don't think we have so many ill-behaved children in our society because we have unwilling parents, I think the real problem lies in not knowing what those little darlings are truly capable of doing.  

We met with a great deal of opposition when we began training our children before they were 1 yr old.  I heard from many, that a baby cannot reason, so therefore we could not expect them to learn right from wrong.  If we can train dogs and horses, why can't we train children, who are of such a higher intelligence?  If a baby reaches for an object they shouldn't touch, why can't we tell her firmly, and calmly, "no touch" and pull her hand away form the object?  Okay, yes, she will reach for it again, so give the command again, and pull her hand back.  WHEN she does it again, this time give her little, sweet, dimpled hand a hard flick.   At a young age, it will not truly hurt her, (you are NOT TRYING to hurt her)  but she will get the point that you mean what you say.  If you can establish that authority before they are 18 months old, the terrible twos will be much smoother.  Maybe this analogy will help some who think that training begins when their child starts showing independence around 18 months:

In our barn we would begin teaching a horse to wear a halter and be led by a lead rope while they were but a few weeks old. Why?  Not because we needed to lead them anywhere at that age, but because we were actually strong enough to move their weight where we needed it to be.  Then the  horse thinks that you are stronger, and in charge, from the beginning, and continues to respect that, even when it could crush you in its adult years.  Obviously, we are not trying to just out-power our children, but I think you can see what I am getting at.  Don't wait until your child is 18 months to start training her to obey you, or it will be more like breaking-in a wild mustang.  It can be done, but it's much more difficult.